|Reviews for Made To Dance Together|
| cbprice25 chapter 14 . 6/10/2004
Good chapter! I'm looking forward to more! And, if you're looking to improve you're writing, don't explain to much. A lot of the time you're repeating the same thing twice, or not giving your readers enough credit (we do pay attention, you know). Update soon!
| My Works 87 chapter 14 . 6/10/2004
Hah hah. SO you're a bit of a crazy dancer? :-P I absolutely loved this chapter. Not just because of the great dance part. Although that was quite enjoyable and fun and yeah. Actually I thought the best part was Jessica's reflection. You really incorporated a lot of emotion there. She SHOULD miss her family. That's really only natural. I would...maybe. Heh heh. And it's good to know that not everything is rays of sunshine. Probably after coming home from a high of dancing, she felt especially done. When the adrenaline rush ends. That happens to me sometimes, and then I get all depressed like. It sucks. So anyways...like I said great chapter. I can see your writing improving just as you go along in your story. And I also compliment you on your ability to write something original. A lot of people write stories with similar ideas because they borrow and develope their stories based off of other people's stories. I kind of do that too...in a sense. Not plot line so much, but just the whole friendship turned sour and then starting to mend is not exactly the most original idea in the world! Heh heh. And there isn't a lot of mystery to the story like you have with almost all your characters. Good job with that! SO yeah...I'm gonna now and update soon. I'm really enjoying this story. You're an awesome writer.
| Drifting Rose Petal chapter 14 . 6/10/2004
OMG! The song 19 is by Prince? lol. I guess I have heard more out of him then I realize. Last year my mom put that song on repeat like a million times at our new years eve party tee hee.
Good chapter! People are starting to notice the attraction! and we have a better idea of what michael is thinking too. fun stuff, im so corny. update soon
| thisfemme chapter 14 . 6/10/2004
harhar.. i think i will always love this story. haha i am hooked. lols yupps i like the seen between the two of them haha that was so kool. i would have hated it if my parents planned out my whole future for me that's for sure. i don't know how she stayed under her parents control for THAT long! haha i think i would have left the first chance i got. wells.. i got to go lols i'm glad i was your 100th reviewer haha
| TwinkieChica chapter 14 . 6/10/2004
When I said wrong, I didn't really mean for it to sound like that. It was more along the lines that it rubs me as a little off. See, there's something about your story that screams ~not a great writer~ (And I mean not great as in not quite/yet great; you're not a bad writer) But the thing is, I can't quite put my finger on it. For a lot of authors that I've critiqued, it's something obvious, like needing to add description or whatever. It bugs me that I can't point out exactly what I feel is off about your story. I actually did read the rest of the story after I reviewed, and it's still there and I still don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I don't write and I just read. I also think that I've gotten to the point where this review is no longer helpful at all. haha Well, if I ever figure out what feels off to me, I'll let you know. I still like your story and the way you've developed the plot. Great job with that, btw. I also like the introspective reflection that Jessica has at the end of this chapter. :)
| anatidaephobiac chapter 14 . 6/10/2004
Yay! That was awesome... Still loving the club scenes... there should be more of them! lol...
billy's sweet... and quite predictably, he liked jessica (since you stressed that they usually liked the same people)...
That was great, how you had everyone dancing... And somehow you gave it just the right touch... (I'm not sure how, it was just perfect... I'll leave it at that.)
still don't like lexi (naturally) and now mia's a bitch too... well that was foreshadowed when they first met her...
and the friends are still really cool...
as is Michael... That would be so cool if he was real... (despite all his drama). Why is it that characters from stories are always the ones you want to be real...?
actually that could be answered pretty easily... since people get to make them up... hehe ;)
| TwinkieChica chapter 4 . 6/10/2004
As a dancer myself, I really like your story's plot. You develop your characters well and give a lot of background.
However, you explain and draw out everything. Leave something to the imagination. Also, there's something about your writing that rubs me a little wrong. (not really wrong, but it just feels off, unpolished)
I think it's because when you narrate, you narrate as if it's from Jessica's mouth. Eh, I still can't quite put my finger on it. It's like you write exactly what she's thinking as the narration. Your writing's almost juvenile in that way. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think your writing could use a lot more depth. Yeah, that's it. When you describe things, you just state it. You don't paint a picture and get the reader attached to the emotions and highs and lowas of the story.
I read on your bio that you want to write teen romances, but I'd advise you to shoot higher when you write. For example, try not to write sentences like this: "Jessica guessed it was the new school meets old school sexy fortune teller look the media had unnecessarily and outraggeously gone on about like it was the best idea since popcorn when Stasia's tour first started in September." You don't want the reviews that go, "OMG! such a good story! like, he's so cute, what is up with her? lolz" Work on improving your writing so that you can have more educated praise.
Also, your dialogue needs some polishing. I think it's along the same lines. Everything in your writing is very clean and honestly, the writing in itself comes across as boring. (Not the plot, the writing) For a lot of authors, I've recommended just starting to not put in as much dialogue. I think for you, you just need to develop the dialogue and balance out descriptions of how people are talking.
I'm still not even sure if I'm making sense, but I hope that helps you, somewhat. I feel like I've been pointing too many people to her, but S.J. Maas's story Queen of Glass is a fantastic example of amazing descriptions, vocabulary, creativity, and simply awesome writing as well. Her most recent chapter blew me away. I'd also recommend getting someone to beta/edit your story. There are a lot of little mistakes with your story right now (commas, misspellings, etc.) I hope you take this review not as a flame, but as helpful criticism. :)
| thisfemme chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
this is a great story! i can't wait until the next chapter. haha i was half hoping this chapter was when billy and michael battle, just too see how it goes. haha
| decree of fate chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
lol...yep...i luv kyle :) and alyssa...aww man i wanted to slap lexi...argh they almost kissed! argh..lol i luved it!
| anatidaephobiac chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
yay... awesome chapter...
the club parts are my favorite...
their friends are all cool, except lexi of course.
i can't wait for the next chapter... more in the club! woohoo!
oh and of course there's no such thing as a michael overload! ;) michael's the best... can't have too much of the best.
| cbprice25 chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
Ah, part two of the club scene. I look forward to it.
I don't know what it's going to be about but to me it seems that some rivalry might spark up again. Who knows. I'll have to wait and see.
| slowlydancingtothestars chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
girl if u dont; undate asap I"m, gonna have to coem find u and strap u to ur comp till th chaps done1!
| Grace Hsia chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
UGH! You like Prince too? I'm SURROUNDED! (Looks around in obvious panic) Has the world fallen into insanity?
Okay, I'm finished with my ranting. _ Love this chapter. Have I ever mentioned to you how super well you describe each of the clubs? It seems as though you are actually describing real places. (Are you?) And it's super cool. Heh heh...I admire your descriptions a lot since I was never really all that great at doing descriptions...heh heh...
I GET OUT OF SCHOOL IN ONE AND A HALF MORE DAYS! YES! I'm so unbelievably happy, yet sad so it's gonna be one bittersweet moment when I step out of the front entrance of my school one last time.
Hm...I never know with Michael...he could send her death glares if she broke his trust...then again...that doesn't seem like something that Jess would do, especially to Michael. (I'm basing the fact that she likes him on the near kiss in the club.) That was so sweet! It was one of the Kodak moments on the fictionpress website! And then the talkative twins...yeah...I know a girl just like them. She is so dumb and talks a lot, even when she sounds like an idiot (Of course she doesn't know...but I don't enlighten her for the sake of comic relief). SEAN BIGGERSTAFF WAS HOT! (He's the guy who plays Oliver Wood.) I swear...I'm so mad that he didn't even get mentioned in the movie.
I sincerely advise the movie...not just for the hotties! Trust me, it seems a bit more mature and darker and sinister. Did you know that they are changing directors for the movie again? The 2nd director couldn't take it after this movie. (He was very emotionally drained. I heard he had to try and take meditation sessions...then again, I could be wrong and it might just be a rumor that a weird person came up with.)
Hm...I think Michael is breaking out of his shell a little. Or maybe not...is Jessica going to dance at all?
I love the idea of Billy, D., and Jacob dancing to Yeah! Now, Jessica should get her moment of dancing! Just kidding! It would be cool to have a dance off between her and Michael though...and now I'm starting to wonder why Billy was staring at Michael and Jess so intently. Did he send Lexi, or was Lexi just being her dumb self? Or is Lexi, GASP, actually a smart person behind that dumb clueless facade? Now, that is one scary thought.
| myworks87 chapter 13 . 6/8/2004
Oh yeah! I just absolutely love it when you update. Seriously. This story is my favorite right now. I guess I just like the dance idea. It's one not really driven down much, ya know? And PRINCE! WOO-ho...I love the guy. Seriously. One of my favorite singers of all time. I could listen to him all day. Wow...so anyways...this chapter was so amazingly good. It has to be my favorite so far, although I really liked the chapter sensual. That one was wonderful as well. I loved the addition of all these characters, who are definitely rememberable, even though I just met them. Great job with characterization and defining them by specific traits. You have a real melting pot of characters here. Umm...yeah. The dance with Michael! SO SWEET! And I can't wait to see what will happen next chapter. I have a feelin that Jessica's dancing with Billy (even though it's innocent) will hurt Michael's feelings. I don't know...just a feeling that I get sometimes. Heh. And yeah...not too much revealed about Michael, except that he's not entirely happy. But Jessie will fix that, right? And he almost KISSED her. STUPID STUPID STUPID Lexi. I want to take her out back and give her a big whooping. That girl needs it. How dare she interrupt our favorite characters here. Gwarsh. So yeah. I just love your descriptions. I get a clear idea of what these clubs look like, and I can't help but wonder if you go clubbing or not. You sure seem like you do. Were it me writing this, all my descriptions would come from what I had seen on the travel channel. Heh hheh. So yeah. I've rambled long enough now. Don't want to bore you or anything. ta-ta. AND UPDATE AGAIN SOON!
| pinewarrior chapter 13 . 6/8/2004