Reviews for Outcasts
Anubis-XI chapter 4 . 6/10/2004
Well well well. I am guessing (hopefully) that this chapter goes back in time a little ways, hense the Interlude. :) I enjoy it very much. Interesitng how his best friend, his only friend stabbed him. I LOVE IT! Betrayal is awsome, as long as it is only written. :)
NEXT
Anubis-XI (HEHEHEH First time writer)
Anubis-XI chapter 3 . 6/10/2004
touching little chapter. Strifes father is a bastard. I wonder if he will show up at a later date in the story. Great Chapter :)
NEXT!
Anubis-XI
Anubis-XI chapter 2 . 6/10/2004
...gets beaten by a woman... pitiful... J/K! i was just jokin :) Interesting way to end the chapter, a clifhanger. You battle sequence i thought was very well written, and it was easiy to visualise. Excellent job :)
NEXT! :)
Anubis-XI
Anubis-XI chapter 1 . 6/10/2004
Man you write very well! You describe everything perfectly, and just the right amount in my mind. I am curious to see who he fights so... i am off to read the next chapter :)!
NEXT! :)
Eagle Seance chapter 26 . 6/9/2004
Have I told you I really like the names? Well there you are- they're really cool. Story's going nicely- keep going!
faerie-gumdrops chapter 26 . 6/7/2004
Yay this chappie was goodgoodgood! Anyway I feel sorry for Siren for Strife taking her idea about Viper and his mother so badly, I agree with her - but still it can't be easy for him. Ooh spies? I'm trying to guess who they might be, but I suck at guesses. have a good time on vacation!
faerie-gumdrops chapter 25 . 6/7/2004
100 reviews - well much more now lol - well done! Don't surprise me though - this is a great story. anyway heylo me again! Soz I took a while to review - I've been on holiday in Spain (oh the sun!) but now I'm back in the wetness of an English summer. ho hum. Anyways great chappie here! I love the new information about Strife's mother, interesting that the woman had Strife's blue eyes. OOh wonder what Raven was going to say!
On to the next chapter...
Kon Savage chapter 26 . 6/6/2004
I loved this chapter! The interaction and dialogue between Strife and Siren was well done!Having Raven just sort of watch, almost made me feel like I was looking at it through her eyes. And Strife's last words...is he thinking about confronting Viper? And 3 weeks till we get to find out! AH must be some vacation, but I don't blame you everyone needs to relax. One TINY thing is some spelling. In "You shouldn’t have bought him back" I think you probably meant BROUGHT but no big. Great Chapter and I'm sure the next one will be worth the 3 week wait.
LATER-Manga200
theatreoftheabsurd chapter 26 . 6/6/2004
Bloody hell, I'm going to have to wait THREE WEEKS? Why? Why do this to me? *stares plaintively at computer screen* How am I going to manage without more updates? Look, I may know the meaning of the word patience, but I don't understand it... *glowers at you*
Okay, I'll stop behaving like a five year old now and actually review.
Woohoo! A nice long chapter!
But AGH- you can't leave it like that! What does Strife mean? Why does he want to see the Ineban? And please don't tell me he's actually related to that bitch woman? (excuse my language :P) And IS Viper working for Konishi (grr) and/or Shade (GRR)? I have to admit I agree with Strife- Viper wouldn't work for... but would she work with? Hm. She is very independent. I shall go and ponder that further.
On another note, I think I'm getting Edge withdrawal. I love him! :P Seriously, I really miss his sense of humour. It provides such a contrast to Siren and Strife's. Not that they aren't great characters too- their little interactions, which re nearly always precede Siren's attempts at denial, make me smile. :P Strife is so hopelessly hopeless and impulsive... *shakes head*
I like your dialogue, as well- it's very natural and you keep the characters in character (excellent english there ehehehe :P)
There was only one thing that bothered me- you put a lot of direct thought in (from Siren's POV), and at points it disrupted the flow of prose a little, because it occured so often. It's only my personal preference, of course :P, but perhaps you could work some of the thoughts into the prose, making it work more smoothly with the third person. I hope that makes sense.. I don't make very much sense... *squints*
Um, that's it. You had better update as soon as you get back from holiday. Else I shall take steps. STEPS. VIOLENT STEPS. _ Oh, and I want more Edge. Did I mention that I love him? I did? Oh... *coughs and continues hurriedly*
Thanks for reviewing me! Appreciate the feedback. I love detailed reviews.
- sofi x
DarkSorceress chapter 26 . 6/6/2004
Aye! Three weeks! Eh...
Blood tranfusions? I meant to ask you about that. The feeling I have gotten from this story is that they dont live in a very technological society, yet blood transfusions?... And how is it that your characters can seemingly spring right out of bed after just being injured.
Eh. Probably something that I missed.
Anyways, As I said before, I really like the way that you develope your characters. I don't find myself hating characters I should like, and liking characters I shouldnt. I also must add that you have obviuosly put alot of imagination into creating this worrld and the society, and making everything utterly believable. I still dont understand why they have female warriors if they think that women are weak, but hey, when a woman wants something she gets it.
I wonder how things are going to work out for Strife and Siren. My guess is that Siren will give up her position as Shukar and will runaway with Strife. I think that Raven is going to go after Edge, save his ass in a surprising twist of events, and then they will go off and live happily ever after as well. I imagine that as you read my therories, you are laughing your ass off. Eh...
Anyways, I eagerly await your update when you come back from vacation.
DarkSorceress
DarkSorceress chapter 25 . 6/6/2004
Does Viper Sano's mother?
Well, I know you cant answer that for plot purposes, but still, I wanted to let you know that that question was on my mind.
This is getting really good. Must move on to next chapter!
DarkSorceress chapter 24 . 6/6/2004
I dont know if I like the Strife/Siren pairing anymore. I wish he could have stayed with the bandits, and that Siren went off with Rush. Im just weird like that. Moving on...
DarkSorceress chapter 22 . 6/6/2004
When it comes to chapter length, I believe that a chapter ends when it ends. If it is ten pages long, dont butcher it; ive seen people do that, and it makes the story feel, well, disjointed, and you begin to lose the feel for the story.
It would be interesting to see Strife join a group of bandits. I think I want him to join. Moving on...
Werecat99 chapter 2 . 6/5/2004
It is refreshing to find a story with good dialogue and well written fighting scenes like this. Once more, I liked your use of language and the way you handle your characters.
I enjoyed Strife's reaction to Siren; it fits him from what I've read so far.
As for Siren, I have my doubts, but it's very early in the story so I hope that things will change later on. I mean, a female fighter who kicks ass and dresses in an unconventional way so her townsfolk lust after her/despise her is regrettably too common in fantasy. We'll see who it plays out.
A note: You wrote "her favourite manoeuvres, etc,". Please get rid of this etc. It completely disrupts the flow of words and has no place in storytelling.
Overall, this is a story I really enjoy so far. I will return for more.
Werecat99 chapter 1 . 6/5/2004
Nothing much to comment on language and general structure; both excellent.
Your characters came suddenly alive. I enjoyed the dialogue and the small bits of information regarding their culture.
I definitely want to see more of this.
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