|Reviews for Outcasts|
| Narq chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
Ooh~ this is really interesting
I loved your first sentence, that really perked me up and make me concentrate. You had my attention all the way and I felt actually quite sorry for Strife.
| hbar chapter 2 . 6/12/2009
just one tiny thing
Siren sauntered towards Strife and his father with the long strides of a man
probably just be me but this sounds just plain weird. I'm not sure that you can physically saunter while taking "the long strides of a man"
| Jave Harron chapter 2 . 5/2/2009
A fast sword fight, but I found something especially strange. The two characters agree to 'no hand to hand attacks.' Just about every school of swordsmanship in history included some type of hand, elbow, foot, or knee strikes while using the blade. From European to Mid Eastern to East Asian blades, it's all there. Not as much with Japanese long swords, but even they had developed grappling techniques for in close (where we get what would later become judo and jujitsu). Having a sword fight without any "hand to hand" techniques is like having a boxing match without hooks, or a grappling match without ground work. It's an integral part of the system.
| D-Mish chapter 36 . 4/13/2009
Aw, this is sad. Love the story though. But I get a bit confused with all the Japanese :S But I totally thought Strife was going to have to kill Iris or rape her or something for his Initiation.
I like it. Update soon
| IntentionallyLeftBlank chapter 36 . 2/2/2007
...*sniffles and hugs several characters*...
| Ares1020 chapter 34 . 6/13/2006
I normally dont review much (for good reason) but something caught me here. If this girl gets dubbed blizzard for killing her albino cat. Could it be that Iris picked up her name from a certain one eyed brother? you probably explain it later but it just jumped at me. Excellant writing!
| ConcertMasterD chapter 36 . 4/8/2006
I found you & your story on the Po8 forum yesterday, and read your story. In one day. Mostly because it rocks! Since I came in so late (and it hasn't been updated in a year) I decided against my usual policy of marginal reviews, and settle on a big review at the end. So, here it is.
Edge - I feel sorry for this bugger. You've gone to nearly VestDan levels of making his life miserable, and his psyche completely f'd up. Lovely job! So twisted, so demented, that it works. Some authors undercut the "evilness" of the backstory yet still expect a really screwed character - I think you handled this well. Not to mention I think ninjas, in general, kick ass.
Strife - I'm not usually one for "big blumbering idiot" heroes. But at least this guy is likeable enough. His personality seems a little underformed, but it's gotten better throughout the story. Perhaps he's still growing - obviously a lot of emotional development is still needed before this big boy becomes a man.
Siren - ::drool:: Warrior chicks I *dig*. I like how you led her into a position of empowerment, and illustrated the struggles we youngun's always face when hit with the staggering realization of everything involved with true responsibility. Also, in a related note, I want to slaughter half the council because they are such sexist bastards. Wonderfully written!
Rush - Mostly this kid just pisses me off. I got really excited with Strife came at him with that powerhouse swing, then really sad when Raven defended him. That scene still seems a little emotionally weak - but I feel it's well done when taking the character's emotional development and sensitivity into account, so Kudos! But Rush? arg. Perhaps Viper will get lucky and kill the scurvy dog.
Raven - ::glomps:: Hot chick, nice girl, and kickass ninja? dayum. Now that's what I'm talking about. Seriously, Edge is a fool for not having realized how awesome she is sooner. Hopefully he makes it back alive and can make up for lost time. Love heals, you know, and she's got lots of love.
The banditos - Interesting group, there. They seem pretty ruthless, but a little too tentative. If they are such a hardcore badass band of evildoers, I would *not* expect such a relatively small reaction with Strife's constant slaughtering of them. He'd be dead in his sleep, no matter what Viper would do to the killer. Badass villian leader chick? Very cool. I have theories about her, but heh. Iris rocks as well, poor chicka, now that Strife has up and lost both women he was trying to protect, one emotionally and the other physically. Go Strife. D:
Shade - This sick puppy disgusts me. I can only hope he gets the slit, and Edge retains his humanity in the end. No sympathy from me.
Environment - I'm still having a hard time getting a complete picture of the place where everything is taking place. Seems like a fairly typical "two or three major cities separated by old and ominous forest filled with badguys" setup. Nothing intrinsically wrong with typical, but the cities themselves have not been well described or layed out yet (Except a bit with Siren's city). Also, are there trade routes? Or is the only way to each city through this forest? This seems to be a weak point in the story, although understandable since you focus mostly on the action and the people, which is fine as well.
Sky - I love this character. I can tell there is much more to him than you would like to reveal at the time, but I am pretty sure he's a major badass under all that kindness. Even us nice guys can be mean when needed, and I doubt we've seen a fraction of what this kid is capable of yet. The dual road of healer/protector is always a hard one, fraught with moral dilemnas. "Gods" speed, Sky.
The poor raped chick who's name I just forgot - I felt really bad for her, but the emotional emptiness you portray doesn't usually come from a single rape, unless she had no emotional support *at all* afterwards. Take my word for it, I'm not talking out of my ass on this. She acts like a girl who has been continuously abused and raped, by multiple people. It *was* an act of mercy for her to die, although not in the way she went. Poor chick ... ::hugs her and rocks back and forth gently::
Well, I'm sure I've missed someone, but this is it for now. I loved the story, greatly, and it saddens me that either college caught up with you or you lost interest. A real gem is sitting on your lap with this story, and I for one hope you find the time and/or energy to pick it back up. Thank you so much for writing as much as you have, and for sharing it with us all! It was a fascinating read. Adios!
| The Rejection chapter 36 . 2/20/2006
Augh - update! It's been forever! This story deserves to be written... I know it's been more than a year, but surely you can get back into the swing of things? I only ask you to update because I know sometimes only guilt towards my reviewers has kept me writing.
| RuathaWehrling chapter 14 . 2/8/2006
Well, my code's still not running, so I've got time for another chapter. Especially since yours are relatively short and quick to read. :)
1.) "we still have to worry about Konishi" - The guy's not DEAD yet? Man! It sure sounded like he was, last chapter. Of course, then I supposed you'd be out one villian, huh?
2.) "the size of the crowd gathered dazzled her" - If she's been unconscious for a while, how would they know she was awake, so they could gather?
3.) "She was dressed in a thin medical gown" - Hahaha! Oh, there's an image...
4.) "There were some stunned outcries from the crowd." - I understand why some people would fight this, but would they really be STUNNED that she named him a traitor? Surely the gossip train is running full-tilt.
5.) "I will not sink to his level and kill someone that presents a threat to me" - You know, that sounds fine in theory, but not when the guy's already about to attack you. Tactical error! :)
6.) "The young man blushed and she had a sudden flash of insight as to why he had helped her" - Hahahahahahahhaaha! Oh, this just cracked me up! Nicely done.
Yea! Good story! :) -Ruatha
| RuathaWehrling chapter 13 . 2/8/2006
Hi, Cutlass! It's been forever since I reviewed, but I'm finding I remember this story pretty well, actually. That probably says something about your writing skills, or at least your story-telling skills. Anyhow, I don't know how much time I'll have right now, but I should have enough for at least one chapter. Here goes!
1.) "I can’t feel anything back there anymore" - Interesting... You know, Edge has always really interested me.
2.) "he was one of the first Warriors who attacked me" - Man! What a mess. Good job making it clear that the "kids" who attacked her were only acting under orders, and were probably confused. Very realistic.
Excellent job, once again! I'll do my best to get caught up, I promise! -Ruatha
| Corn on the Cob chapter 4 . 11/27/2005
No! Edge is supposed to be a happy person! At least he was in the last chapter... But I suppose this is the past now... But since he's all short, it makes him cute 3 Woohoo! Drama! Character developement!
| Corn on the Cob chapter 3 . 11/27/2005
Aww... Strife and Siren :3 Kitsune means fox...hmm Birth name. Same as a first-name I presume? So it's safe to say that they are all being called by their last names? Strife. Like Cloud Strife D Hm. I'm liking Edge a lot more than those other two... Cheery fellow yep.
The only part I don't get is the "I wasn’t going to let them punish you for your mercy." thing. Was Strife not using his full strength or something?
| Corn on the Cob chapter 2 . 11/27/2005
Ha! He's so silly! I understand having blood gushing outta your stomache can be distracting but I guess he's in a difficult position at the end. Good job on describing the battle. Detail good )
| Corn on the Cob chapter 1 . 11/27/2005
First off, I LOVED your summary. After reading it, I immediately went and started on the story. Excellent. Anyways, to critique, the way it flowed in the beginning reminded me oddly of the chunnin exam in a show/comic series called Naruto. Ever heard of it? Strife does remind me of the main character, being the poor kid left out and all alone kind of guy...
| Accidentally on Purpose chapter 4 . 10/10/2005
I can't tell if this is the future or the past. WHen I firts read it, it seemed like the future and I was confsed, but farther in the story they mention this incident and it's the past. I think my confusion stems from the 'and you will only be the first of yoiur village to die'. I guess I need to know more backstory to understand it, and looking back, the comments about the mask in that childlike voice should have been giveaways, but I'm kind of oblivious. Oh, angsty though. I like it: "horrified by the ruthlessly cold expression" "my only friend". Although somehow at the end I end up feeling more sorry for Edge than for Strife, but maybe I'm just weird.