|Reviews for A Sorcerer of Selen|
| Rytia Malachite chapter 2 . 7/2/2006
Quite a day for Raven. I like your description of his character as well as your description of his power, however, I gotta tell ya that the last few paragraphs seem hurried. You have lots of silly typos that really shouldn't appear in finished products.
"Raven lay still for a while, comprehending to situation," ought to be something along the lines of Raven...trying to comprehend the situation.
There's a couple of other minor things like that in the following two paragraphs, but that's just hen-pecking.
| Rytia Malachite chapter 1 . 7/2/2006
Please feel free to slap me silly. You were one of the first to review my story and I somehow missed it! It's just improper not to review those who have reviewed! So please, forgive.
Anyway, This is a very gripping beginning. I can't really find anything to critique. I just hope Mala can find Danaush in time. I'll find out soon.
| Selen chapter 1 . 5/19/2006
Wow...I just thought I would just type in my name into the fictionpress search engine. I was so surprised to see my name, Selen..in the title of your story. I don't even know anyone with the same name as me...that really caught me by surprise. Well newaiz I gotta read ur story now, after all my name is in it. hehehe lol
| Cattails chapter 17 . 3/4/2005
This was an awesome prequel! I loved how it gave loads of background info while carrying on a plot. I can't wait to read the first actual story of the series! Poor Danaush. His life sure isn't easy. Maybe it'll get better?
(P.S. Hope there's going to be a story about Dunni and Fuli! (I'm a sucker for romances) _)
| YSYF chapter 1 . 7/19/2004
I was wondering if you could do me a favor. My friend and I have put up a story here at fictionpress, and I was wondering if you would read it. It may not be a fantasy story, but I still would like to here what you think of it. The title is 'Bounty on Ryan Niel' by YSYF Finch (my frined is Gold Finch here at fictionpress). If you would, thanks in advance, but if not, oh well, it isn't the end of the world. That'd be if you or Khenna stopped writing.
| RuathaWehrling chapter 2 . 7/13/2004
Okie dokie... Here goes!
1.) "Dalan open the door, with a brief, curt greeting,..." - First off, it's "opened". Secondly, delete that comma after "door".
2.) Why would Dalan want to kill Raven? If he does so, he'll never again get any of the cut off the jewels Raven steals. Certainly, I can see why he'd want to CHEAT Raven, but kill him? You need to give some better rationale for this!
3.) " The boy had reason to fight, his life depended on it." - Use a semicolon, colon, or dash here. A comma isn't strong enough.
4.) " "I guess we will have time for a little game, before I have to kill you" Gave said,..." - Always end your dialogue quotes with punctuation. A ? or ! would work, or (in this case) a comma (use commas instead of periods, if "he said" or something is after it). Thus: "I guess we will have time for a little game, before I have to kill you," Gave said...
5.) "The though ran through Raven’s over and over again " - Whoa! Typos galore! Add "head" and make it "thought".
6.) " a knowing, weakening hunger " - Knowing? Or "Gnawing"?
7.) "the most eventual night" - "Eventual"? I don't understand what you mean by that. I think you want to use a different word there.
Well written. Besides the fact that I don't see why Dalan would want to kill him, it's all very reasonable. Raven's a credible and likable character. Also, for the most part, your grammar is good.
It takes a while for me to write "real" reviews, so if you want me to leave others of this quality on future chapters, please review something of mine. I hate to spend time reviewing something for a writer who's no longer paying attention to fictionpress!
| Khenna chapter 17 . 7/13/2004
Decided that I might as well finish. Very interesting end, but I need more...need more...
| RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 7/13/2004
Hi there! I ran across your story and it looked interesting. :) I'll comment as I go, so it'll all be in order.
1.) "The orange sun was fading in the horizon" - "in" the horizon sounds funny. Maybe "on" or something?
2.) "Five more days" - You're missing a period here.
Interesting! A good prologue. I look forward to the next chapter...
| Khenna chapter 16 . 7/13/2004
This explains so much I didn't get in your other story. Big help reading this.
| ConfectusPapilio chapter 15 . 7/12/2004
Interesting development, but it does help me understand some parts of Shadow Stalker that confused me a bit, I need to read that once I'm done with this once...
Hm, some parts of this did turn out a bit weak, some more anguest would help alot, maybe a glance at what his future would be like would help. Show the readers the pain he must endure, that might make the chapter more powerful.
| ConfectusPapilio chapter 14 . 7/11/2004
I think you improved yoru discription quite alot on this chapter. Seemed to come alive more then your others do. Nice job!
| Khenna chapter 13 . 7/10/2004
Geaz, you write short parts! Well, maybe I'm just used to Ardinie...
| ConfectusPapilio chapter 11 . 7/9/2004
I'm not sure I like Dayan, nastly little creep if you ask me...so far anyway.
| Khenna chapter 10 . 7/8/2004
That was a 30 word chapter? Hm, I thought it was shorter then that...but it was longer then your average length.
Like how this story is going. Good chapter.
| ConfectusPapilio chapter 9 . 7/7/2004
Nice chapter here. Mala's past suprised me a bit actually, that she married a servant...