Reviews for The Thin Scrap Book
simpleplan13 chapter 5 . 2/15/2011
Grammar/Spelling:

"we drank under the yogourt sky"...yogurt

You have it punctuated as the first two stanzas are one sentence and the second two are one sentence, but that's not really grammatically correct. That first stanza is definitely it's own sentence and combining it with the second makes it a runon. Same with the third stanza.

Word choice:

I really liked your word choices. I thought that extricated was a great choice for that sentence and trauma was a good word too to show the serious impact of that. The use of the word iris works really well to and I thought the repetition worked well to tie the piece together.

Flow:

The line breaks work well to create a good flow except the third line of the third stanza. It just seemed too short and a bit abrupt. I had to read it two times actually to get where the "with mine" came in.

Enjoyment:

Overall, I liked the piece. I thought it was a really great description of a "bittersweet utopia." Your descriptions and word choices were unique and powerful. I especially liked "you stung me with your grip." That was really beautiful. Well done.
lipleaf chapter 5 . 1/29/2011
I love the descriptions you have here- everything's vivid and your imagery feels beautiful in a soft sort of way. I think your word choice really builds the mood. This entire piece has a dream-like feeling to it that matched well with its content. My favorite lines were probably:

"and the past was extricated

from your sour wrist"

"tossing our laughter aside" and

"your breath kept falling on the concrete

with mine

and my caress is nothing else than my bones".

Lovely work.
Kalopsia chapter 11 . 1/18/2005
is this true
do not resuscitate chapter 5 . 11/11/2004
'bitter utopia'- that alone is brilliance. the rest of this, especially the last stanza, is absolutely beautiful. being in love in a dirty place, kind of like you stay for that person... that's the vibe i got from it at least. i could just sit and pick this apart for hours... amazing.
Kalopsia chapter 10 . 9/11/2004
I love this poetry collection of yours. These poems are about simple subjects, yet you bring emotion and imagery into them in a way that many writers can't on fictionpress. It's so EASY for the reader to visualize your poems! I gotta say...props to the poet.
AmbiguityLotus chapter 2 . 7/30/2004
well.. your words are unique and written with profound meaning.. i enjoyed these pieces very much. :) keep writing your heart out, dear friend.
Plato's Optic Runaway chapter 9 . 7/28/2004
This reminds me of someone's style, but I can't remember who, so I'll forget I even said that. It's just that the beat and irregular rhyme patterns are not 'you,' but then again, whoever said that you were capable of being predictable? I like how you've been changing your style instantaneously lately, yet you retain your remarkable gift; you're unmistakable. (Lately was a usage of hyperbole: where the fuck have you been? Write). I love the awkward line breaks that fit with the poem so well, and the unrefined language that makes itself beautiful, maybe because you wrote it, or maybe because it really is. I also like how the last phrase (your note) perfectly coincides with the rhythm, style, and meaning of the poem, even if that wasn't intended. I'm too slow-witted to keep going with this mediocre review, so I'll stop wasting your time. As I say quite often: you rock.
unbeautiful chapter 1 . 7/11/2004
gorgeous portrayal of mundane madness.
Kelpylion chapter 8 . 7/9/2004
That's just disturbing. Me likes!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/9/2004
I like it... esp. the repition... thanks for your review
breakdown in the waiting room chapter 8 . 6/3/2004
After I read your poems -freeverse especially- I'm left with this feeling of absolute rawness. It took me awhile to figure out why, but I've figured out. It's because your poetry is honesty in metaphor, the only way honesty should be told. Your poetry just hits everywhere poetry is supposed to- thank you for that.
-Jess
Plato's Optic Runaway chapter 8 . 5/24/2004
This is most definitely my favourite of all of your work. It's so perfectly focused, so pristinely rendered in something I hesitate in calling merely poetry. If you stop writing, I think it should be a sin.
teh tarik chapter 8 . 5/23/2004
Oh, I love this piece! The whiteness and pureness (*ivory*, *pearls*) were pretty creepy descriptions. And I love your wording *an unfaithful open kiss...worth a swollen eye or two* I have yet to read deeper and find more hidden meanings...your work is deep, insightful and extremely satisfying to read.
Lina Inverse chapter 1 . 5/22/2004
I love the repetition... The desperation... the insanity. Amazing job.
bach-player chapter 8 . 5/22/2004
creative, enthralling.
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