Wow 0_0 That was really good. I really liked the ending._

I think your story is simply amazing. Jaded as I have become by reading too many merely adequate novels, I'm spellbound by yours.
Your character is deeply moving, the sacrificing of self is very realistic. I loved the part where you compared her sweat to his fingers; it was very sensual imagery with just a few words and revealed so much about the depth of her attachment to him.
The way you didn't use any names was also very interesting. I felt it added a sense of her already sacrificing her own identity (not sure if that's the intended effect, but it still came across) and it added a lot to the mystery and romance.
My only criticism is that you ended it. I think that would be a great first chapitre to a novel. There are so many sub plots you could develop from it and I have no idea where the story is going. Too often, an author will simply tell you how the story ends in the first chapitre without meaning to. I would love to see more of this story and encourage you to continue.

wow, REALLY nice.
hmm, i think i disagree with the other reviewers though that this was angst. It wasn't. It was just life. Making a choice, but making a wrong choice and regretting it when the knowledge comes too late. Angst is just so much more and less.
More because the emotions are more edgy, but less, because they often turn out NOT to be stories but personal reflections hidden in prose. so more and less.
i didn't see a single grammar error in your story which is PHENOMINAL! everyone has at least one... me more than others :D but yours was great. A nice flowing manner that while it explained most events, it didn't dwell on anything until you were so sick and tired of it that you just want to throw the story out the window. A perfect balance.
Read your bio and if this story is anything like your novel will be, then you've already sold your first copy. :D I hope your co-author is as good as you are otherwise your style might be comprimised and i think i would cry.
but most of all, i hope you do get the chance to expand this. It's beautiful and emotional without being too much of anything. Sucks you in for a nice read and a great time without leaving you feel dried up. I can't say it enough, a perfect balance...
I wonder if this will be a prologue or if you plan on working the life of this character and then maybe doing a second series or book where it dwells on the daughter? Interesting either way.
I also really liked the way your story took a complete twist at the end. Having read so many prophecy stories, i was like yay, another one, whatever. but yours wasn't like that. I've also read a bunch of stories where it turns out the good guys are really the bad guys, but yours STILL took me by surprise. Takes a lot of talent to do that.
looking forward to more of your writing.
later
robyn

Wow great story! I love your original concept. It works very nicely as a one-shot, I myself could never write such a great story in just one chapter. :D
Keep up the great work, you have a wonderful style!
Also, I'd like to thank you for the wonderful critique you've been giving my story Revolutionize Yourself. Thanks for not being afraid to pick everything apart; I really appreciate it. _

hehhehe nice story, even if it's angst... so sad... you were right, ending's kinda weird, but it works. i like it.