|Reviews for Idolized Transparency|
| Artemis Astralstar chapter 5 . 1/20/2005
I've been forwarding updates for the last month or so to another email address. Dear god I'm so elated that this was the one I chose to not do so. *applauds your very typing fingernails, fingertips, fingers, thumbs, and would applauds your knuckles, but is not sure how to spell that*
Wonderful work there, and the split time works so well, especially the end - How most of these things start... *headdesk* I can't think of words to describe the end, but it really got to me. So I'm going to return to my little RPG, and do some angst to cheer myself up.
Funny how these things work, isn't it?
| Chesh chapter 5 . 1/17/2005
I had completely forgotten about this story until it popped up on my favorites page. You know, a happy ending every now and then wouldn't kill you. ;) Anyway, my thoughts on the last chapter (although I could be totally full of it, because I usually am)...
It was really obvious what was going to happen by then. It's not really a bad thing, because once your readers know that everything is going to go to hell really soon, they wait with a giant knot in their stomach until it just happens and you're free to torture them. That said, the ending happened so fast that the knot in my stomach didn't get a chance to cause me much discomfort. I'm not going to tell you that you should drag it out longer or anything-I'm not sure that it would have the desired effect if you did-but I thought I'd mention it.
Goddamn. Poor Sade.
| Liebe Sasa chapter 5 . 1/17/2005
I love it. The sensations are horrible of course, but that's what makes it so amazing. The format is wonderful, and everything about it is real. Real real real.
| Nina yes that Nina chapter 4 . 7/17/2004
GOD, linney, it's heartbreaking and it's absolutely beautiful... *cries*
| Nina yes that Nina chapter 1 . 7/17/2004
I recognise this. :D
| ddz008 chapter 4 . 4/14/2004
GREAT! I like it... poor Sade... this story is so dramatic, I feel really sorry for him. It most be terrible... I LOVE your writing style... please, KEEP WRITING!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
| IpsoFacto chapter 4 . 4/12/2004
Oh My God. *:lagrima:* Sad.
| IpsoFacto chapter 1 . 4/12/2004
Man, you KNOW how to make my day.
| Liebe Sasa chapter 4 . 4/11/2004
Wow... Fucking amazing.
| artemis a chapter 4 . 4/11/2004
"We were once angels, perhaps, but our wings are now hidden – and on Earth alone we can truly be dragged down to Hell."
wonderful, flashes of an incredibly complex plot. please continue, this is fascinating.
| artemis astralstar chapter 1 . 4/11/2004
well, you know exactly what i feel about this, as i went through it with you, line by line. still as capturing, still as magnificiently written.
| Chesh chapter 3 . 4/5/2004
I'm touched. I need to go add this to my favorite stories list, since you're actually updating it (as opposed to all the other authors who create short story collections and then lose interest).
"Not Easy" looks like it's going to be one of those stories that I won't be able to judge until it's finished. The writing itself is lovely (big freakin' surprise there), and you're doing an awesome job of keeping it disjointed, but not so confusing that I get all flustered and give up. I can only imagine how much effort it must have taken to structure it this way! But since the story isn't totally clear yet, I won't comment on it. I do like where it's going, though.
On a grammar whorish note, you're a little hyphenyinterjectionhappy. I am too, because they-this handy little thing, whatever the hell it's called-are only beat in coolness by the semicolon. It was mostly this bit: 'The man – Ben – rewards him with a bright smile. “That will be perfect. I’ll give Danny a call – and if we want anything, I’ll notify room service. Until then, you don’t need to be coming here. We – Danny and I – haven’t seen each other for a long time.' I would have probably said 'I'll give Danny a call, and if we want anything...' or 'I'll give Danny a call. If we want anything...' but it's your call. I think Whatever The Hell That Thing Is Called would work better if you cut out the 'and,' too, but I can see why you have it there.
Punctuation always goes within quotation marks, even if they're actually just apostrophes. Like: "He said the elephants were 'dancing like furry monkeys,' so I hit him with a frying pan." Or "The porter, who is a ‘people person,' nods understandingly."
I liked "His name isn’t Danny," just because. Thank you for clarifying. Also, the whote bit for the 25th of May was just creepily delicious. If I hadn't already proposed to you, I'd do that now. "Rook and Nat hugged a lot and joked and laughed and if Sade crept into Nat’s room for a goodnight hug Rook would be in Nat’s bed too and would ruffle Sade’s hair" made me giggle at the cuteness.
I'm sorry this is a long rambling pain to read! I haven't had the chance to write a review for awhile. I'll shut up now.
| Liebe Sasa chapter 3 . 3/28/2004
I really do like this piece. I look forward to seeing a great deal more of it.
| ddz008 chapter 3 . 3/28/2004
I like this! I understand bits of it, but the readers need to read the next chapters so keep writing!
This is really interesting!
I think there's another chapter... because many things seems clear now but I want to be sure...
Your writing is GREAT as always!
| ChickenRun chapter 3 . 3/28/2004
Woah! That was quick! I think I reviewed the second chapter only like half an hour ago... The this appeared. I hope the next chapter comes as soon as this one did