Reviews for Mental Deficiencies
Atlis chapter 1 . 5/26/2004
Thumbs up. Great poem.
The Black Rider chapter 1 . 4/17/2004
Again, beautiful and sexy, but this time also painful; especially towards the end. You certainly have a way with words.
FELICIA-SPENCER chapter 1 . 4/16/2004
This poem shows a level of deep maturity. I'm impressed by the message of this poem, and I highly applaud you on a job well done. Great.
B e Hickman chapter 1 . 4/8/2004
You paint a vivid, and morbid picture. And it's good in that, but could use some revision. The form is awkward... I don't think there is any reason to structure the line breaks as they are.. this seems a lot like a prose poem, so some of the lines ought to be running together. The word play is good at times, but inconsistent, not inspiring a lot of rhythm to bring the reader full-circle. Some words just don't seem necessary 'then generously', 'of my own free will'.. things can be expressed more simply to tighten it for better flow. I'm not saying cut out all the language, cut out what's not doing any work.
Seeker of the Way chapter 1 . 4/5/2004
You are a brave one! To know such truthes AND to speak of them is bold indeed. You are so soul-bold you burn away the cold should. never scold embolden instead with the bread made of powdered gold of thee.
SotW, waiting ...
xzerinieah chapter 1 . 4/2/2004
I can relate. Anyway, great poem!
axica chapter 1 . 3/31/2004
I think we share many of the same self-destructive almost masochistic preferences.
I like your use of language here, you didnt't hold back at all with your adjectives, instead, you used everyone that you felt sat appropriate with the emotions. This made the poem move along, almost seeming to be dragged by the words.
The only suggestion I have is that saying "Lavishly, I bleed beautifully." Seems almost redundant. But nevertheless, when it is all mixed together, it fits wonderfully well.
Parker Jones chapter 1 . 3/30/2004
love it, it's really cool
glitch804 chapter 1 . 3/30/2004
that's really disturbing but good in a way! nice job
-glitch- _
Mr. Arnold chapter 1 . 3/29/2004
good work it is strange and well different by all standards. I thought that it was good for you did something so different with good imagery.