|Reviews for Future Past|
| Zigellus chapter 27 . 10/9/2007
Very good young grasshopper though there is much for you to learn.
Lol jk, pretty good stuff. You got a lot of My's that should be May's lol. Besides that love the story so far, do a little tweaking on your fight scenes so they move more smoothly. Damn you and your addictive plots n' such. Anyways, Keep writing luff ya you sexy man you. XD!
| Zigellus chapter 1 . 9/22/2007
Yo tom you big sexy Lol. -adds to fav list- _ Man you need to dust this stuff, -cough wheeze-.
| errrror404 chapter 27 . 6/12/2004
Just what I said before - again.
| errrror404 chapter 24 . 6/7/2004
*sigh* Why can't I write scripts like this! It's just not fair! Ah well, thumbs up to ya for two more great chapters!
| errrror404 chapter 22 . 5/29/2004
That was really good! Usually I don't like scripts but that was amazing.
| cuneas chapter 1 . 5/28/2004
The name of the group of fallen angels you attempted to refer to is "Nephilim", not "Niphilim". Other than that...cheap, stereotypical, but fast-paced and lively and not all that bad.
| Kazen chapter 10 . 5/25/2004
Well, I've read all of act 1, I'll start on act 2 probably later on today.
From what I've read so far, I like the story, it's something that has a lot of potential and makes for a very interesting read.
However, you tend to lack in detail in a few key points, such as a fight, and it's slightly confusing what's going on. For example: "He quickly disappears and appears behind Amida. Amida thrown off guard tries to look around but soon notices that he has been stabbed. Amida's vision goes blurry as he falls to the ground. The man removes his sword as he walks away."
The words just make the action seem...well kindof dull. You could twist it up a bit, say... "The man suddenly vanishes before Amida's eyes, surprising him as he tries to draw his sword. The man reapears behind Amida just as quickly as he had disapeared. Amida hears a small scuff of the man's feet against the ground, but it's too late, he realizes he has ben stabbed. The world turns into a haze as his vision begins to fail. The man watches as Amida collapses onto the ground, then turns to walk away."
Actually...now that I think about it, such detail wouldn't really be nessicary...it would help greatly, but it is a play type of writing anyway, so I guess I'm flawed in my thinking there.
Other than a few typos, and a few words being repeated a few times too many (try to use a variety of words to spice up the story a bit, it tends to get a little repetative if you use the same descriptives words again and again) I think it's a good piece of work. It could use a small bit of editing, but can't everything?
Keep it up, and I'm looking forward to Act2
| Sera Nyorai chapter 5 . 4/15/2004
Good work, love... but you repeated alot of words and phraises many time. You should go through the whole thing and pick that out. Some of your scenes were a little cut short. If this were a play, it would not be easy to put together due to the short time between scene changes, otherwise it was pretty enjoyable I am so proud :p I love you hun :)