Reviews for The Return
Corpsman-of-Krieg chapter 27 . 2/18/2007
Well, it's been a while since I last reviewed, but now that I've finished it, I think it deserves one more.

First off, great job. Actually finishing a story of this size is an incredible feat, especially considering your circumstances. At 50,0 words, The Return is nothing to sneeze at. I'm hoping that I'll be able to do the same eventually with The Setting Sun, parts I through V.

As for your ending, we can talk about the details in person later on. I thought the last chapters as a whole were very well written and worthy of another read. I enjoyed Reign/Memories Long Forgotten part II the most, and am looking forward to the beginning of your first book regarding these characters. Keep up the good work.

Corpsman_of_Krieg
Gata chapter 20 . 7/20/2006
This is why I get so upset when my author alert simply chooses not to work. I check in and realize there are ten new chapters. I'm working on it now. But this is amazing. Really interesting. The characters are great. A few grammar issues. Extra capitalization, run on sentences from your-know-where. Your fights are well thought out nad presented. I would suggest inserting the scene breaks available on the preview (the little line thing) Then again, for all I know, you may add taht later. I know it took me forever to figure out where it was. It just gets a bit confusing when switching from person to person. Well, I've got my work cut out for me. I hope to catch up soon. And to figure out why I haven't received alerts...

Gata
BenevolentShadow chapter 2 . 6/9/2006
The word 'attacker' and 'attack' or some other closely related words/phrases are being used alot. Try to use a variety of words to describe this 'attacker'. But over all this is very good so far.

L. Shandow
BenevolentShadow chapter 1 . 6/9/2006
I'm interested in vampires, so naturally I've become interested in your story. I agree with you when you said this was your best story yet.

Good Job,

L. Shandow

(thanks for all your reviews on my stories. _)
RipperRang chapter 2 . 4/9/2006
I... I got halfway through the second chapter before I stopped. I gotta say, the start had a very nice beginning. But then when I saw the name "attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker, attacker" ... I sorta stopped reading.

The fact that the guy used an entire clip on the VP and then stabbed him some several dozen times not only devalued the meaning mortal death and gore... but gave me the idea that the guy surviving caused the story to have a certain lacking in realism.

Then there was the readability factor. I couldn't read it that well due to the fact that there were no paragraph breaks. If this was because of posting glitch, I apologize.

But the basic rules of grammar are that when one person speaks, they get a paragraph. But then when a new person speaks, they get a NEW paragraph!

It had a good start, but I was barraged by reading difficulty and random scene indescrepencies.
Corpsman-of-Krieg chapter 21 . 3/25/2006
OH MY GOD LIKE INSANE WTF THAT WAS CRAZY!

Good God Extrenm54, you're even more twisted than I previously thought. Good Lord.

Amazing fight scene. I think your description of Horton's body making a sickening squish as it impacted the far wall made for a great mental image... as though he were a sponge filled with water, landing in a puddle.

Awesome job, keep it up.

CK
Corpsman-of-Krieg chapter 1 . 2/3/2006
Great job on 20, Extrenm54. I'm glad to see Edward and Nigome recognized one another without killing each other off. I had a much lenthier review on here earlier today, so I'll verbally deliver the rest (It got deleted due to high bandwidth usage).

I'm already lookin forward to 21.

CK
RedXfire chapter 19 . 1/5/2006
pretty good.
Corpsman-of-Krieg chapter 19 . 1/4/2006
Extrenm54, I have to say that this is quite possibly the most intense chapter ever. I am also convinced that Cobie is the most Godly human ever to walk the face of your imaginary Earth. I need more...more killage and destruction...mwuahahahahhahaha. Good job, keep it up.

CK
Corpsman-of-Krieg chapter 18 . 11/22/2005
Awesome. Pure, unadulterated evil. What a great chapter. This fight scene was one of the more intense ones of this story. I'm looking forward to Chapter 19, especially after: "My fun has only started!"

As usual, great job. Keep up the awesome work.

Corpsman_of_Krieg [The writer formerly known as Kommando-88]
one winged fallen angel chapter 18 . 11/21/2005
Kick Ass Awesome! That rocked so much. The descriptions in this chapter, especially the transformation, are the best I think you have ever written. They are genius and rank among the best I have ever read. The new evil Edward sounds genuine and just as devious as he looks. Great work! Keep it up.
DreamZeZ chapter 17 . 11/21/2005
hey there horton! Nice story so far! I don't like some of the parts that are really gory but I've heard you tell a story and you get so into it. I like the 17th chapter the best and I especially like the cave description part the bst and in my opinion it would have been awesome if you could have elaborated more there. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!
Corpsman-of-Krieg chapter 17 . 11/17/2005
This is good. You've got multiple plotlines going on at the same time. I like this. Cobie's little eye twitch made me laugh-nice touch.

Hing Sufre sounds like a fairly important place. I look forward to hearing more about Wulv's adventures in its catacombs and what Salomis has to do with this.

Great job, keep it up. I'm already looking forward to Chapter 18.

Corpsman-of-Krieg [The writer formerly known as Kommando-88]
one winged fallen angel chapter 17 . 11/17/2005
A well-written setup chapter. A few typos here and there, but surprisingly well proof read. This chapter did a good job of building anticipation and the inclusion of Wulv as he enters Hing Sufre was well done. It still carried the same mysterious and mystic tone as before and made for a nice chapter ending. On to the cons, Some of the dialogue felt akward; sounding a bit forced. The prime example is after Horton arrives and Edward says "We shouldn't wait any longer..." that whole section of dialogue by him feels rushed. Also this chapter seems like it could have been apart of the last one.

Since I haven't review in awhile, I figured I would say something about the last several chapters. Good action in Rescue Mission part 1 and 2 along with some detailed descriptions. Massacre at Club 414 demonstrated a side of you I hadn't seen and that you can write gory slaughters. The rest starting with Setting the Stage to the present, the chapters have really fleshed out the story and kept us on the edge of our seat wondering what will happen next. Great job.
DreamZeZ chapter 16 . 10/23/2005
hey there horton, I told you I would review your story and so I am! I thought that it was good and all but some of the gory parts didn't really agree with me. . .like when solis is in the club. . . That was just gross, and I was almost tempted not to read it. Other than that I thought that the story had a good feel and everything. Let's just hope you have time to update soon!
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