Reviews for Victim of the Wind
Celestial Sailor chapter 1 . 7/18/2004
Seras,
So much of your writing is based on or written entirely about personal experience. For many, this gives writer's an edge of realism to their story.
You are probably wondering why, of all your 36 pages of senryus and haiku and your standard poetry, I chose this story. From my point of view, it seems that you have painted a much more intensely emotional and visually real atmosphere with a story. It is wild and filled with strong emotions. Haiku and senryu writing seems to convey one single idea through to its most simple and abstract idea - whereas a story conveys many ideas which in one way or another are conjoined.
Personally, I think you should write more stories for your many ideas, and keep developing poems for smaller ideas that you want to explore in more depth. This is just my opinion.
I am afraid of offending you by mentioning the rest of my critique. But I will add one last thing.
Try exploring literary techniques and play around with structure. What I particularly liked in "Victim of the Winds" was 'binds of her disease'. It is a powerful statement that doesn't conceal your idea, but projects it. I do like how you use simplicity in such things as 'I did not cry' . What makes this stand out particularly is by using more elegant or emotive words before it. If I may give one example off the top of my head:
'The cold claws of insanity kissed her mind in the bitter hollow of her adobe - I stared and smudged a tear.'
It doesn't necessarily have to be as over-the-top as that but I hope you get the idea of the anti climax. It adds a depth of mystery or absentmindedness to the character - depending on what you are trying to convey.
For this particular story - and maybe also another you choose to write - add one powerful, creative metaphor or image. Not only that, but make it relate to the most significant idea of your story - this will make it stand out above the other ideas, giving a sense of descend into the smaller, less priortised ideas.
I hope that made sense and hope I haven't offended you, either. If there is anything in particular you want an indepth analysis or critique, please don't hesitate to ask. Good luck in your writing endeavours!
-Celestial Sailor
Anthony Draconius chapter 1 . 4/27/2004
I am truly honored that I inspired this piece. The solemn nature of this written work still has a firm hold on my soul ever since I first read this. Truly beautiful lovey, I still tear up whenever I read it.
emilyclaire chapter 1 . 4/5/2004
A Haunting and Touching story...