|Reviews for Random Mental Thoughts From My Head|
| Never Knows Best chapter 6 . 5/3/2010
This bit about Steve Irwin is disturbingly accurate. Truthfully, I was surprised when he died by animal attack. It just seemed too obvious.
| Never Knows Best chapter 5 . 5/3/2010
"I think not, bitch. I'll go level five paladin on your ass with a full house and Mr. Goodwrench. You want a little glitter?"
I am picturing someone doing this right now and it makes me giggle. On a side note, I'm certain at least two of my friends have at some point or another threatened to go 'level five paladin' on someone's ass for realsies.
I think I look cool in sunglasses but my sister says I look like a dork. But my sister is 8 and a total bitch.
| Never Knows Best chapter 3 . 5/3/2010
I play Vampire: The Masquerade. It would be more fun if everyone I played with wasn't a rules-humping faggot or complete retard. Even when there are clear rules, some people still try to insist that their powers are way cooler than they are. I just send those guys out to do battle with a fire-breathing dragon, and if they come back from that, fuck em up with my gangrel claws.
Also, if I taught sex ed class I would insist that everyone figure out where the clitoris is, because sexually unsatisfied women are very bitchy.
| Never Knows Best chapter 2 . 5/3/2010
The best thing to watch high is this wierd show we used to have to watch in French class called 'telefrancais'. It had these two skeletons that played acoustic guitars and sang songs in French. Even sober it was frightening.
| Never Knows Best chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
Is this shark killer guy real? I'm going to look him up and send him love letters for the rest of my life.
| love and misadventures chapter 6 . 5/31/2009
You're pretty funny, gotta hand it to ya. I laughed the hardest on the part about walking around the mall with a sword.
| StayDown chapter 6 . 12/29/2008
Okay. So, I just read your bit about setting fire to robots. And I think you need to hear this. True story. I shit you not.
In Junior High I had a Furby. Now, having acquired this Furby many years ago, (I think back in grade 3 or 4) from this weird girl who smelled like WD-40 and really, REALLY had a thing for Tasmanian Devil tee shirts, I didn’t know what to do with it and to be honest with you, it terrified me. It was coated in what felt like the pelt of a dead animal you’d find on the side of the interstate, and had these goddamn eyes that were ALWAYS open.
It ended up at the back of my closet until my family decided on moving across town and obviously we had to clean everything out. And I found this animatronic disaster, sitting on the top shelf next to a book about Labrador Retrievers and a Barbie Doll whose face I had purposefully melted with a Zippo on Thanksgiving after dressing it as a witch when I was seven. And being the self-proclaimed little asshole “indie kid” that I was at the time, I grabbed it and thought “Yes! I will take this thing to school and keep it in my locker because a cool kid with weird shit would SO do that! And when someone asks me what it is, I’ll say, ‘Bitch, that’s my Furby. It’s right next to my “GG Allin for Prez” picture, and two-year-old cup of coffee,’ and they’ll think, ‘Wow, that girl is REALLY multi dimensional, I think I’ll be her friend,’ and life will be fucking SWEET!”
And with this convoluted plan, I took the Furby to school. I turned it on, and set it up in my locker. Needless to say, it was not particularly the ‘flypaper for friends’ I was hoping it would be, but I got quite a few on my own, somehow. The Furby stayed there until high school. And during those years it was in my locker, some strange things happened. Its battery stayed on for longer than I thought it would. It grew accustomed to the dark, and learned how to swear viscously from conversations I would have with people in front of my locker, as well as how to procure really creative death threats from when it would hear someone say something like: “Give me the notes for math already or I swear to god I will find your mother’s grave and crack her open like a cold one after ripping your head from your shoulders and pissing in your eye sockets”. So, every time I opened my locker, its eyes would flash open and screech out things like: “Shut the goddamn door you fucking little bitches” and “Schwrang-I am skull fucking a major matronly figure in your family!” with its ears whirring and twitching the whole time.
We burned that Furby.
With a stoner’s lighter. By the Pepsi Machine.
It was one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen. (Holy shit I think I just rhymed.)
SO THANK YOU, for writing this stuff. Your insights are pretty remarkable, and I love it.
| DonPianta chapter 6 . 10/19/2008
This chapter was so funny!
LOL about the weather part! That was my favorite!
I hope you continue this soon!
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
That's, I think you meant.
So far, I am really liking the humor in this. I mean, it is all very very random! I haven't even thought of these things. Set a bear on fire? Haha! And as I have no clue how strong retarded people are, I will just take your word for it! :p But seriously, that's an awesome idea: retards as superheroes. Hilarity ensues!
Formatting problem, though. Your sentences get cut off in the middle and go on the line below.
PS! If your bored check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (links in my profile)
| One-Hand Clap chapter 6 . 4/20/2008
Well, that's weird. I thought your first one was funnier than this one! But anyways...
Again: It was just hilarious. I actually started making these weird, silent laughs, only broken with high pitched noises in between, and now my family has been scared into hiding. Yeah. So I blame you for that.
I also loved the 'Trojan' man part. It was just... beyond hilarious. Laugh out lout hilarious, etc.
- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon
| One-Hand Clap chapter 5 . 4/20/2008
"Could anyone be so delusional as to think they automatically look "cool" by putting on a pair of glasses that retail for less than two dollars at a yard sale."
Should have a '?' at the end of it but, ayuh, it's very funny all the same. I love this story - or... what'd you call it? - it's just hilarious. All the time. 'dead hooker in the attic' Hahaa!
| One-Hand Clap chapter 4 . 4/20/2008
Once again, complete in-your-face hilarity! I loved it! Escpecially the thing about the rap videos - duh, it is all about the money. They don't rap about gaining enlightenment, they rap about having hos, bitches, limos, and 'bling'.
Just a few errors I feel morally obliged to point out:
'weapons: if your using'
should be 'if you're using'
should be 'craziest'.
Or that's the way we spell it in Australia, so I dunno.
- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon [link in profile]
| One-Hand Clap chapter 3 . 4/20/2008
This seriously made me laugh out loud. And it's completely true what you say about vampire role playing. It's just because most people don't want to believe their character can be killed. And they just make shit up alot.
Have to point out one teensy flaw though (it's what I do. I am the Spelling Nazi):
should be 'portrayl of'
.. I think. I COULD be wrong.
- Clap Trap, fro mReview Marathon [link in my profile
| One-Hand Clap chapter 2 . 4/20/2008
Haha! Again, perfectly executed humour - I loved it! I just gotta point out one flaw, though: 'ain't a piemp' should be 'ain't a pimp'.
- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon [link in my profile]
| One-Hand Clap chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
I almost died from laughing! Honestly! They put me on a respirator and everything! Haha! The humour in this was just... amazing and I defy anyone NOT to find it funny!
I also liked the 'Because purple' part. Very clever. If that actually happened, I'm very impressed.
- ClapTrap from Review Marathon [link in profile]