Reviews for Memory Lost
Abigail Marie chapter 1 . 2/26/2006
This is beautiful... I really don't know what else to say, other then, I just love the feel of it... wonderful job, once again...
Stranger Than Fiction chapter 1 . 8/28/2004
I can relate with this. I wish I could write poetry half as well as you do. _~
morgyse chapter 1 . 7/2/2004
Thank you for reviewing "Ian and Russ." I wrote it a long time ago, so I'm wondering how you happened to stumble upon it. Could you drop me an e-mail explaining? Moving on, I have to say that I disagree with your summary of "Memory Lost." (I know summaries and titles are tough stuff but...) I found the poem to focus more on the narrators reaction to losing the memory/the moment- not "moving on" as you said, but the feelings that precipitate moving on. Your imagery in the middle of the poem of the light in the hall dealt with the "growing up" part well, and the domestic broom you use keeps the mood consistent. Using "dust" as sometime positive is atypical and a peculiar, interesting metaphor. The content is good- this is much more artfully angsty than most of what one sees on Fictionpress. Your language can still be refined, though. In line 7 you use "then" twice and "though" once. My English teacher calls these "transition" words, and prescibes their use. While your poem has good flow and transition, these particular transition words are too much in one line, and you could probably think up a better way to phrase the line. I'm not sure why you chose to rhyme the poem. I don't think it adds to the poem in any way, partly because you don't keep meter. The rhyme and meter work well in the last 4 lines, where they make your words stronger quite effectively, but you might ask yourself why you chose to rhyme the rest of the poem. I appriciate how you never sacrifice content for rhyme- some people are more concerned with rhyming their lines than making their poem say what they mean, which I happily do not observe you doing (even though "days" and "chase" do not rhyme). I think you could rephrase the fourth line- "too late" adds a sense of foreboding, but the reader has to interoplate what you mean by it, and you could just say it more precisely. You have written a pretty solid poem, with good flow and effective imagery. If you aren't too offended by my acerbic style of reviewing, I'd like to look at some of your other postings.
Silent Laughter chapter 1 . 4/11/2004
This was good... not as good as some of your others, but good. the last line was a bit inconclusive... not quite 'fitting' for the ending. I loved it, though! it was very original... and the way the length and rhythm changed was nice.
~*~SJ~*~
LordK chapter 1 . 4/10/2004
I think I get it. This is an interesting poem... not as lucid as, perhaps, "If I'm lucky", but not a fanciful, colorful (in the metaphysical sense) dream like "Dream" Wonderful! I liked it so much. I think, perhaps, I agree with the other reviewer, but I can't tell you why. It's marvelous... perhaps we don't quite grasp this poem, because it's kinda... in the middle. But I think I get it. memory is fickle... but, hey, that's part of the reason for poetry, right? Capturing an emotion, which you are clearly the Queen of. Brilliant!
floorcollision chapter 1 . 4/7/2004
i really liked the originality in this poem.
great work-
not your best, but definitely good. :)