|Reviews for With Every Sin|
| 20thCenturyGuest chapter 3 . 10/10/2014
Ooo, this is getting so freaking good! Loving this so much! :-D
| 20thCenturyGuest chapter 2 . 10/10/2014
This is so amazingly good! Great job! :-D x
| 20thCenturyGuest chapter 1 . 10/10/2014
This is so good! Very well written! Loved! :-D
| jjadalove chapter 12 . 8/28/2014
I loved this bittersweet ending
| ZoeysZone chapter 12 . 1/25/2014
Is that the end? Will there ever be a sequel? You just can't stop there!
| Zoeyszone chapter 11 . 1/25/2014
I knew it, I just knew she was going to end up pregnant.
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/25/2014
I'm confused at the top it says chapter 2: changes chapter 1: Sadie. Then it says With Every Sin part 1 but the previous chapter also said With Every Sin part 1. Can you clear that up for me. Sorry
| Myrtho chapter 12 . 3/22/2013
hi where is the rest of this story we want to know if Sadie will marry Peter? please update
| Sable Queenie chapter 12 . 12/28/2012
I minored in African American & African studies in college and hope to go to graduate school to study the same thing, so right off the bat the description of your story appealed to me.
Overall I was very impressed with your knowledge of the history and plantation system in the Confederate South. Your use of ebonics/slave vernacular was spot on. I also like how you presented the realities of master/slave relationships in that the slave women had to be regulated to the role of the mistress regardless of what feelings existed because of the duties the masters had to the plantation. You also briefly touched on the hard experience of white mistresses in having to basically put up with being cheated on/seen as less desirable to their husbands when put next to the slave women. Peter, the slave on the side who, though nice and honorable, can't quite measure up to the master in Sadie's eyes. All very historically accurate.
I concur with one of your other readers in that I think with a proper beta reader this story could be wonderful. What I struggled with the most were the bunched up paragraphs and lack of section dividers that confused me when they jumped forward to separate scenes or ahead in time. I really think this is something you need to fix first, because a sloppy looking story can sometimes prevent readers from wanting to read the whole thing and in doing so prevent them from even finding out if your story is worth reading (which this definitely is).
I also think that sometimes you switch in and out of different writing styles which can be hard to follow; for example, in the first love scene between Nathaniel and Sadie, you start writing about their actions in the present tense then after that go back to regular narrative style. While I know this isn't the first time anyone's done this, to me it seemed kind of out of place. Just something to think about.
Lastly I think if you ever plan on continuing this story you should consider trying to flesh out what you've already written. Some of the events, like Nathaniel's wedding/honeymoon, Sadie's pregnancy, Nathaniel enlisting, Sadie deciding to marry Peter seem very short and stilted and in my opinion could be described with much more detail would give us a better feel for the characters. Don't be afraid/lazy about length as a writer; less isn't always more!
This story has a lot of potential. It looks like it's been a while since you've updated, so maybe you've abandoned it, but if not I'll be first in line to read your next update :) Cheers!
| melly chapter 12 . 10/23/2012
This is really good come on i need morte
| Guest chapter 12 . 8/26/2012
Please continue this story! :)
| Guest chapter 12 . 6/29/2012
| Renay chapter 12 . 9/17/2011
this is one of the saddest stories I ever read, and it's not how I thought it would be
| Bain chapter 12 . 4/15/2011
I discover this lovely story by chance, You have a great talent. If you are still writing you should present your story on the valant ; this site if for women of color. You would be able to work with a beta writer/editor who would help you with your proof reading. If you stop writing I wish you all the best,talent like your is rare.
| Xoder chapter 11 . 2/16/2011
I have not read such a provocating ending in a romance. Good nding.