Reviews for Poem i wrote about a girl
BlazingSpirit1984 chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
I like it great job.
LiL Angel with Wings chapter 1 . 5/4/2004
Aw...I'm sorry that girl told you to get lost. Just think of it as her loss, as I'm sure it is. But this was a really good poem. I like it! Good Job! Keep it up!
LiL Angel with Wings
Dreamer to Fly
Stineburg ralph chapter 1 . 4/25/2004
Hey this poem sucked... i mean come on... you can't write for crap... you shouldn't even be on this site... you suck... Poor you can't live without your girl friend... stupid... she left you get over it
kelseytheballerina chapter 1 . 4/20/2004
The rhythm may be a little off but it comes straight from the heart and that's what counts!
Cougar Draven chapter 1 . 4/20/2004
Nice stuff, man. You should write some freestyles like I do, dawg.
Tatsu-Dreamer chapter 1 . 4/14/2004
I don't know how you like getting reviews, so I will tell you I found a few parts that the rythym was off or the rhyme was forced and I have some ideas of how to fix them, but let me know if you want me to tell the ideas, but one spot is, "I can never see you because of time" that doesn't really make sense witht the lines surrounding it. I understand what you mean, but I think there could be a better way to describe it.
"other times it makes it seem like your here/ But I don't see you anywhere" and the lines before, maybe you could add sopme lines here to make it longer, like put in a couple of those rymes you make up to make you feel blue or that she is here. and you forced the rhyme between here and anywhere.
"Playing tricks on me like if I were blind" very akward. But if you could cut out a few words it would be great.
But if you want to here my ideas of how to fix these just let me know. you can e-mail me or anything.