Reviews for Darkness and Light
mwegan chapter 5 . 8/1/2004
Hi! It's been a long time, or at least it seems that way. I like the internal struggle with Dare, he's an interesting character, and I like your descriptive style. Good chapter. Here's the nitpicky stuff I noticed..
- "He would have to treat her injuries, "relax, Dare..." Relax should be capitalized, and it probably should be its own sentence. And is it a thought, or does he say it?
- "The Dark Queens mocking laughter..." Queen's
- "...a smile that never reached hey eyes..." hey should be her
- doorway, "Fix her up." The comma should be a period.
- "Though, the sweet snow white complexion..." no comma after though, and I think snow-white should be hypenated...
- the most beloved." her grip tightened..." her should be capitalized.
- "It was well known that Prince's often had a 'thing' for younger Princesses" Prince's should be princes, no need for capitalized prince or princess in this context.
- "he had still been born a prince with the lusty blood of an 18 year old running through his veins." Sounds like he had been born with 18-year-old lusty blood, might want to rephrase.
There are quite a few places that I noticed sentence fragments, maybe they are intentional, but I think many of them would be better combined with commas. Also you tend to use a comma to separate the dialogue when a period would probably be better. (just my opinion, of course...)
Alianne of Pirate's Swoop chapter 5 . 7/29/2004
YAHO! You updated! *reaches into pocket and brings out a cookie* Here's you're cookie for updateing! YAY.
O. The plot thickens. Dare really is quite intresting...
Kaleema chapter 5 . 7/29/2004
Good plot, and now I can see why you waited with the prophecies. Keeping your readers in the dark as much as Trinity. Your dialogue is great, and I like the symbolism you use. The general flow of your writing is very smooth, and you can paint beautiful pictures and emotions with your words. I look forward to your next update. Oh, and you probably know this, but the punctuation seems kind of weird at times, with a random period in the middle of a sentence, my guess would be either you were tired when you wrote this or that the Story Editor ate your (...)'s.
Kaleema chapter 3 . 7/29/2004
Wow, very poignant and beautiful phrases. Your chapters are short, but intense. I continue to enjoy your story.
Kaleema chapter 2 . 7/29/2004
I really like your style. You have an easy way with dialogue that I envy. The story is very interesting so far, but it might help to explain why the golden queen adopted a blue eyed child (I think you are aluding to this with the prophesies, but I think it might flow more smoothly if the explanation came sooner-again just my opinion). Anyway, keep up the good work.
Kaleema chapter 1 . 7/29/2004
Hmm, very interesting tilt to your story. I like the physical traits mirroring the morality. The explanation of this seemed a little dry though, perhaps you could leave out the eye color explanation from the prologue and work it into the chapters so that the reader figures it out, rather than being told. (Not that what you did is bad, this is just my opinion). I think the content and message of your prologue would still come through without the eye info. Another thing to watch (if you care, its no big deal) are the cliches, for I saw paralells to Snow White and Willow (a fantasy movie by George Lucas). I may just be seeing things, but I wanted to pipe up. Anyway, I am looking forward to reading on.
Kon Savage chapter 5 . 7/28/2004
Good chapter, I like how Dare felt obligated to save her life...hmm, maybe he likes her. It's cool how the Dark Queen comes and goes in little things of lightning. I have to say though this is starting to sound like more of an epic than a fairy tale. That might be just because when I was smaller my parents would force me to watch Snow White like every day to make me quiet down(so...many...dwarves...*shudder*), and so I just picture fairy tales as a bunch of short men that live together in woods with dancing rabbits that clean their house...but then again maybe it's just me. And now that you mention it, that scene does sound like the zorro scene, i get it now! Oh and don't worry bout the consistency of posting, took me 4 months to post my second chapter. I'll just put you on my Author alert or sumdin.
LATER-Manga200
Eagle Seance chapter 5 . 7/28/2004
shi..shikes- i'm bit late reviewing aren't I? but school's started and... well anyway, i liked this chapter- dare is so alluring but evil- the kind of person u'd like to slap. keep updating- well, I AM GONNA UPDATE VERY SOON, i promise... ; )
Dreaming Slumber chapter 5 . 7/27/2004
I love it. Im addicted to the story and want you to write more.
Angelstar21 chapter 5 . 7/27/2004
Wow! Talk about captivating! Awesome update! But the suspense is killing me! Write more soon! I so have to know what happens with Trinity!
Mettie chapter 1 . 7/27/2004
This is good! You need to add some commas, but overall it is well-written. Thank you for reviewing my story. I should be updating soon.
Celeste Se'oir chapter 3 . 7/26/2004
This story's interesting, and well writen for the most part... hmm, I'll try to get to the other two chapters later.
I just wanted to say thanks for the review!
Later,
Ffuffy
StarrzAngel chapter 5 . 7/25/2004
... ... ... Wow. Good, good, very good! I'm speechless! Except that I'm talking right now, but still! Very good so far, you describe everything so well! Great visuals and characterizations as well! Fabulous! Update soon, OK?
(adds to Favs!)
P.S. Thanks for reviewing! Glad you like it! Now I can read your story too! Yay!
chibichan366 chapter 5 . 7/25/2004
danielle!
wow, the three prophesies!
oh! this story is getting interesting. hahaha. and you said you ran out of ideas. you silly putty. _
update, update, update soon.
bye bye
Nirobie chapter 5 . 7/24/2004
this is great, i love it, keep up the good work and update soon
Nirobie
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