Very good, as it portrays a Hero in a brutal honesty. It's what Firefighters do, knowing that they face danger. I liked this, as it puts you in a personal seat, as if it were you.

Oh. Wow. It's a great story. I swear I have tears prickling at my eyes.

I liked your visualization and the emotional buildup :3 Great storyyy!

I am not a reader unless its something in Readers Digest. This reminded me very much of one of their book excerpts. I started it thinking I'd just read a little bit to see what it was about. I had to finish it. It was a very moving piece. I could really feel the emotions from the dad & daughter. Very nicely done!

Very good short story, the only critical thing I can say is that in the first few sentences a possibly more descriptive term like "Fire Chief's" badge, could be used to forewarn the reader of the importance of this man's role in his dress uniform. This descriptive element, in addition to possibly describing the black band, maybe explaining what the black band is for, or hinting at the fallen member of the dept. can help the reader grasp the gravity of the situation and be prepared for what is to come. My father was a volunteer fireman for many years and I never knew about covering the badge with a black band.

Other than those particular things the writer does a good job of staying in the correct tense for the story and it is a very gripping and somber tale that has been told before, of fallen officers and dept. members in this line of work. But this story is from the heart of someone who has been affected deeply by the unfortunate events and the descriptions are very real.

I rate this an excellent short story...Bravo to the writer!

the last part for me was not enough as you just showed us how her dad was the driving force for the fire department. As in how did the main just change her mind about her father. You could have elaborated more on how the heroic deeds dad had done like flashbacks from the main character to the dad.

Also, it just didn't feel right for me. A few lines ago she was just mind-yelling at her father, almost wishing him to be dead. And then at the end, she was just "well you're still a hero in my eyes" to her father. She just sounded like a hypocrite to me when I first read it. There is a realization on the main about her dad, but I just felt that's its weak. Polish up on the last parts.

-RED-

I think this a good story.

Simple yet solid.

Interesting enough, in the beginning you used short concise sentences. Effective method: Straight to the point and keeps the attention of the reader. Be careful though, if used too regularly it runs the risk of sounding jerky. Though in this story, it complemented the main character's train of thought very well. Somewhat disjointed, numb and a sense of judgement with a dash of contempt and disdain.

however, as the story continued, you started using long and more elaborative sentences, giving perhaps a tad insight on the character going pass the judgement it made before, and actually putting effort and thought in trying to understand why he/she was really upset.

Good use of writing technique.

(via roadhouse bar)

From RH

"...come to the funeral with us?"she asks. [Typo, needs space after the dialogue.]

This was a solid short story, I think. You do a good job starting in the middle of things and then filling in the back story, which I liked. I also liked that the prose style and narrative was easy to read and clear. You did a good job establishing character, especially with the Dad. I liked the depth you give the situation. The ending, though maybe toying on the edge of cheesy, fit, I think. It works because of the drama of the situation.

Like you said It's a good story well I CAN'T say much I'm nice I'm not trying I'm actually nice good story though

This story was good. I really liked it. :D

...

I had a question for you, it has nothing to do with your story. I'm new to this site, I've been using Fanfiction for a while. I had a question about where to put my story. I'm not sure if should file it under romance, because the romance doesn't come in until close to the end. The story is mainly about one girl's pain and suffering. Do you know where I should put it?

Hey! I think the very visual style is extremely good for the story, as it communicates emotions without expressing inner thoughts too much. (Like when the narrator looks down, etc.) That is very impressing and indrawing when reading. I also find it impressive that you manage to show the impact of sudden changes in one sentence; that, for me, is remarkably good style. That the conflict is actually taking a turn for the good in the end shows, I think, a develepment in yourwriting, and for this story it fits, it satisfies the reader, who rather feels with the Dad than with the narrator, anyway. At least I did. :)
All in all, a very well written story. As I said, the visual, almost film-like lines are the best!