I recently came upon this story and it now has become one of my favorites, even though I have yet to finish it! I had to review though because Chapters 14 and 15 absolutely broke my heart. What Fenix said to Aiur was absolutely devastating and you had me in tears while I was reading what transpired afterward between the two of them. You just wrote it so beautifully and I could feel Aiur's pain so clearly. Bravo.

I think my only bit of constructive criticism to give regarding this story thus far is that, in many of your earlier chapters, you use a lot of colloquialisms and modern jargon, although you stated in one of your Author's Notes that the story is set in the past. It was a little bit jarring to read at first, but-as I've continued with the story-I do feel that you move on from such tendencies. You also remark in your FictionPress profile that the style of your writing really comes into play in the second half of the story, and I think it really is obvious and definitely helps serve the story so much better.

I must applaud you for the wonderful work you have done so far though! You've certainly got me very emotionally invested in the main characters and I am looking forward to finding out what happens next.

I LOVE THIS!

Hi. I just found this story, and I have to say that your writing is absolutely beautiful. The last chapter is gorgeous the entire way through. I don't really know how to give a good review so I'll just pull lines that really stand out to me.

"The sun was trembling, its glow weak in the early hours. When Fenix lifted his arm, daylight splintered." - It's amazing that you can start with that. I love how fragile it is.

"He wondered if it was always like this, when you counted your life down to the hours, the minutes. When you measured it against one thing. One person." - You have these little epithets scattered in your writing that are brilliant.

"If she left this world, left him ... Fenix eyed the rigid sky critically. He couldn’t follow her if she did that. He knew that. That hurt him, but what scared him was he thought he might still try." - Lord you're romantic. Wonderful.

"The body remembered what the mind did not, and she was mapped on him, a web of black and blue fingerprints resting under his skin." - Descriptions in this chapter blow me away.

"“A heartbeat is empty, just an echo. It is so easy to doubt. You are distant, separate. Yet so close and so deep inside yourself that you are a stranger. Alive, and it does not matter, not until the blood-”" - Oh Lord.

"And being real ... maybe rests on more than being able to find your veins in the middle of the night." - The pain, the vulnerability.

"“The breathing you can check,” she said, quietly. “Count, the way you count the seconds the sun is late in rising." - I really like the bit about the sun. That strikes me as a kinda silent tragedy.

"One look, her eyes in pieces, and he simply blew apart. In slow motion."

"She was a trembling mass, her head sinking towards her hands, an empty shell."

The bit where it says that Aiur isn't trying to put herself back together...I think it's significant because it foreshadows letting go? Like giving up.

"He floundered as his breaths began to drown. She fixed him with a gaze that pierced through the waves, spearing him. “When did you start giving up?”" - I love your imagery.

"“You make me ache,” he told her, keeping his voice low, intimate, “because you make something inside me spurt into life. Something I never see alive, and it doesn’t matter. You make me mean what I say and live for what I believe. When I’m with you I want to throw everything else away so there’s nothing to go back to. Throw myself away so there’s nothing but you.” He smiled, wryly, at that. She was staring at him, ashen. Her mouth opened, but he continued recklessly. He couldn’t tell her outright that he’d fallen in love with her because he knew she would simply dismiss it, but he was damn well going to make sure she knew. “You make my heart pound and my head swim and my stomach churn, and I live to feel that. I sit – for hours – ringing circles around one word. It’s – it’s ridiculous, what I would do to get you to look at me, to get you to smile. You tear me apart and put me back together, and somehow I’m more complete after. You don’t have to do anything or even try – you’re in everything I’ve ever known. You’re everything I want to know.”" - I think I stop breathing every time I read this.

"He looked into her eyes. They were the expanse of the cosmos, the dark spaces in-between the stars. And he couldn’t fly." - How the hell did you come up with that? Amazing.

"At the very end, when everything else was over, he was still ablaze and flaring in her thoughts, a shadow rising to meet her, waiting before her at the dawn of each breath she took. His fingers resting at the side of her neck, his arms holding her tight against him as she slept, his heartbeat burning his name into the palm of her hand. Her stomach knotted, hollowed and shivering, turning inside-out, remembering that night, the air that had shifted as he leaned over her, the brush of his lips over hers. Remembering the way he’d looked at her, as he told her he was willing to throw himself away for her. If there was anything in her life that she would regret leaving behind, anything she could never get over, it was tied to him." - This too I can't breathe.

I really, really enjoyed reading this. It's beautiful. Thank you for writing it.

*Breathes in, then out*

So, this story took me less than a day to read. I came to a realization when that day ended. This story is so like my life, it's scarry to think about it. The only real difference is that I don't kidnap people for a living, I suck at archery, my family is still alive, and I don't take drugs. Other than that, you've got my ntire life's story laid out in front of me. My friend Kam is the only one who's gotten under my skin,and he's the only one that probably will. We're just friends, though. I don't think we'll ever become more than that, and I'd rather keep it that way.

Anyway, I knew she was going to kill herself by the third to last chapter. I could feel it im my gut. It was such a sad realization because I really KNEW Aiur. I didn't permit myself to cry, but I wanted to. I'm glad she got to heaven, though. She deserved it, even though she didn't want to deserve anything but hell. I do wish that you would have kept writing the story, though. I know it is impossible, but I would have liked to see if you wrote out the rest of my life's story.

I don't want to seem like I'm going to kill myself, but the ending was just what I needed to see in order to see that it will all be ok, if I just let go. I don't think it will be for another couple of years, but I'd just really like to say thank you. You've hit a sore spot, and it was just the slap in the face I needed to wake myself up from the nightmare I made myself live.

I've officially stopped cutting myself, and I've made friends. It wasn't just you, of course, but you played a part in making me realize that no matter what you've done in the past, you can still live.

Once again, thank you so much. I look forward to readingmore of your marvelous works.

hey jaani :) just in case you're wondering, this is on my alternate account-and it suddenly occurred to me, that i'm such a douche for not reviewing, even when you've given me the most beautiful of dedications. honey, you make me forget my surroundings-and despite the inconsistencies and loopholes, there's something quite delicate about aiur&fenix's life that i just quite get enough of. but it's ending, and it's scary, and it makes me wanna hug you... because somehow, this is a reflection of you, of your journey through these two&ahalf years, and ending it seems like the hardest thing to do. "i think some scars are meant to stay." indeed they are-it reminds me of this quote from the black jewels trilogy: "for remembrance, as a reminder." these scars are here for you, for remembrance. so enough of my blabbering, i'll get on with my review... from the start.

"The sun was trembling, its glow weak in the early hours. When Fenix lifted his arm, daylight splintered."-you my dear, are the queen of description and leaving me in awe. i think i just might be copy/pasting this entire chapter back to you, cause ever word leaves me hanging and tumbling and gasping. it's hard to breath with description like that, even if i do have allergies :b

"And what could you ever hope to become, if you didn’t know who you were?"-ugh, such bitter truth. i've seen a couple of friends take time off of school, just to figure out what they want from life, to figure out what life wanted from them. and even though it hurts to be a wanderer, i think it pays in the long run... here i am just doing what my parents tell me.

"It wasn’t so much that she had changed; it was that he had. And he knew where the change came from – he wanted her to be right. No. Her vision was bleak, hopeless. She could never be right. Not with him, because he didn’t want to see the world the way she did. Still, he wanted her to feel right with him."-and look who's living a lie. i don't know why, but that just made me stop, and read it over and over again. i don't know-i guess there is a reason to believe in someone's darkness, and darkness is easy to stray too. it's harder bringing someone to the light, when that person's witnessed so much horror and grief. 'wanting to feel right with him'... God, i can't get over that line.

fenix is so in denial though, and he's somehow forcing himself to believe that he can sop whatever it is she's about to do-and he can make her forget everything she's experienced. i think aiur wants to believe too, believe in it so badly that it might hurt-but fenix can't save her. i don't think so, at least. i don't know. i think the only ones who can save us are our selves.. and maybe that's the spirituality in me speaking, but aiur can't be saved. i wish i could, but she's too deep in herself. she's in too deep.

but i think being real, means living in the full sense, meaning letting go of the past-which aiur's not willing to do-but also, i don't know, letting go of that ego. the ego in the psychological sense, where you think of it as another enitre entity other that yourself. i think i've been reading a bit too many spirituality books-but it helps the spirit. it helps me know who i am, figure out what there is to me, besides the flesh and bones and skin. hehe, i'll gift one to aiur :b

He let out his breath. “I do not understand you.”-HAHA finally. i was having a hard time too!

One look, her eyes in pieces, and he simply blew apart. In slow motion.-i think that add on just blew me away. "in slow motion"... geez. you are... indescribable.

And keeping it from him ... kept it for me. It was one of the only things he did not know about me – maybe the only thing. He took everything else. It was – it was mine.-ugh, this is so about control, and it scares me, how much she wants it. i've read articles about anorexics, wanting control with their eating habits and over their body, because it's theirs-to destroy or beautify. it's theirs to control, when the world around them is falling apart.

oh God, what had happened to her. it's horrible, and in some way reminds me of the stockholm syndrome, when she began seeking his approval.

“You make me ache,” he told her, keeping his voice low, intimate, “because you make something inside me spurt into life. Something I never see alive, and it doesn’t matter. You make me mean what I say and live for what I believe. When I’m with you I want to throw everything else away so there’s nothing to go back to. Throw myself away so there’s nothing but you.” He smiled, wryly, at that. She was staring at him, ashen. Her mouth opened, but he continued recklessly. He couldn’t tell her outright that he’d fallen in love with her because he knew she would simply dismiss it, but he was damn well going to make sure she knew. “You make my heart pound and my head swim and my stomach churn, and I live to feel that. I sit – for hours – ringing circles around one word. It’s – it’s ridiculous, what I would do to get you to look at me, to get you to smile. You tear me apart and put me back together, and somehow I’m more complete after. You don’t have to do anything or even try – you’re in everything I’ve ever known. You’re everything I want to know.”-i think, if some guy, ever, proposed or said anything of that sort to me, i'd be weeping in his arms. i think i'd feel this obligation to give myself to him, to belong to him. oh lord, my hearts racing. i need to read on!

He looked into her eyes. They were the expanse of the cosmos, the dark spaces in-between the stars. And he couldn’t fly. “Because no one should have to die alone.”-alright, if i was the kinda girl that cried, i'd be hysterical right now. i have crumpled balls of tissues surrounding me right now, and my allergies have just gotten worse. oh man, i can't breathe... when you write like this.

alright, i expected the ending, but the serenity of it absolutely blew me away. i guess she got her ending, she got what she'd been hoping for... and letting go of fenix, well, he seems like a catalyst. he broke her, ripped her apart, and then ever so gently put her together, giving her the freedom to-to give input? i don't know. all i understand is that he made her whole, and somehow living without her will be difficult, but i think true happiness is being happy for another, for getting something they truly wished for. they both let go in their own ways, but i don't know who hurt more.

ugh, it feels so good though. finally getting reviewing off my chest, it feels good after finally reading the ending. and just so you know, you've completed it brilliantly and on so many occassions, left me in awe. the only thing i'm going to ask you to do is listen to regina spektor. her songs and lyrics are mind-boggling and inspiring and brilliant. i know you like things like that :b especially 'samson' and 'apres moi'. take care, and write more soon. i'll talk to you online sometime :) toudelou!

So.

I just read this entire story in two nights. And it is BEAUTIFUL and POWERFUL and INTENSE and utterly DESTRUCTIVE. You're command of language, of detail, of emotion, is elegant and dark like charcoal and sharp - a razor sinking deep in my brain. These characters are deep and complex and tortured and beautifully broken.

And the ending is so frustrating I could scream!

That's not to say it doesn't work. It does. I have a deep, masochistic obsession for dark depressing tragedies, and this one is very effective, and intense, and the ending is surprisingly gentle. It's just that... when I was wandering around fictionpress looking for something new to read, I was depressed and a bored and looking for something romantic and beautiful to read - and I was hoping for a happy ending... So now I am more depressed (though definitely not bored) and still desperate for a happy ending.

I don't suppose anything else you've written has a happy ending, does it? 'Cause I'm definitely willing to read anything else you've written.

This story ended in the best way possible. I always thought that if Fenix kept her, the scars she had gotten would still remain. Peace was the kindest thing she could have.

I'm not afraid to say that even reading this the second time, I'm still crying.

I've cut myself before, and I've tried to kill myself.

My hands have cried, too.

And this author just puts all I've ever felt during those moments into words, weaving them into this story.

Thank you for writing this story. It touched my heart. No heck, it wracked my heart. And I don't mind that.

Hello there :)

Just wanted to say that was an awesome story, not the kind you'd read anywhere but that only makes it better. And well, thanks for writting it and letting me read.

they will meet again someday in a different life.

yeah this should definately be put in angst,

cuz the pain in this story cuts through

so deeply.

i love how you showed how just one person's

determination and beliefs can change another's

even one as broken as aiur.

The story was OK, prose was decent, and I finished it which is saying something. But one request, you should add "angst" to the categories because this story has little to no drama, and a whole heap of 16 year old angst, and I was a bit deceived by the category to expect something else than it ended up being. Still, nice work.

Oh. Oh, Fenix. Aiur. Oh my god. That ending was so...it hurts. And yet at the same time, i feel so relieved for her. And then i'm mad because even though all she's ever wanted is peace and she's so broken inside, i didn't want her to just...give up. And then i go back and read it all again and cry - AGAIN - and i thank everything i've ever believed that i found this story because it's touched so many parts of me i always want to keep hidden.

I can't even begin to decribe how much i treasure this...and i can't believe it's done. That this huge journey is over. I feel a little numb, actually. You know, when you're filled with such contrasting and volatile emotions that you just...feel a little hollow and lost. But then i tell myself that it's still here, i can read it again and again and again to my little hearts content.

I can't describe it. Not properly. Not for what this deserves.

On the offtrack (cross country racing!) yes i'm still writing. But BC was so...i still have all my ideas written down but it's got to the point where i look at it and that twisted frame of mind and there's something too close to the bone about it for me. Eventually, i think i'll be strong enough to finish it. To just put up what i've got hidden for the world to see and sneer. But not right now. I'm not as resilient as you are, my dear better-than-Muse. Hopefully you'll wait around for me to get up there with you! *grins*

Ive been reading none stop sice the beginning of the story and that was about 9:30 somthing now it is 2:29 this story omfg this story is absolutly amazing as i said i couldn't stop reading but i have to right now its a school night and I'll feel like shit in the morning if i don't go up im finishing tomarrow though you can count on that as well as any other story you hhave on your profile if there is more -

OH! IM ACTUALLY CRYING! it is so bittersweet! i loved reading every chapter! i hung onto every word. It was absolutely wonderful and i love your writing style and the grace and fluididty that comes with what you write. It was a great story, and im very glad i took my time to read it!

oh my god, this is fucking beautiful and very breathtakingly sad. its been a long wait but thats okay. this ending is worth thewait. this is an amazing chapter. im in tears and i dont know what to say. just beautiful.

...o my gosh...that is the most beautiful...this story is the most real story i've yet to come across. You didn't simply give it a happy ending you gave it a true endig, and you told not only a story, you told a life. It's amazing, beautiful language, amazing charecters, wonderful story, i love the ending, it's just amazing. It made me cry and smile and it seems really true, and i can see how it could be so important to you. absolutely wonderful :) I love fenix, and how in their relationship, it's not only one person trying to save another, it's one person trying to help another because the pain causes them pain, and it's people trying to understand, and truly, i can't see how you can read this and not be enthralled and see it's beauty.