OMG...I am STILL trying to find out who the heck you were talking about! I think it's about Tascha's party...the one GRANT was at...Yes? No? Maybe?...Are you SURE you never liked Tascha?

hey, i've also got a poem called 'betrayal', and it's also about a friend. i like the way that you "show" and not "tell" your storyline in your poem. except...the meaning tends to get a bit vague...but anyway i can tell you've improved from your later poems. )

*grins* Sounds more like Jealousy from the 'me' in the story than Betrayal from her, but okay...
-Rachel

The narrator isn't very kind by the sound of the last line. Did the narrator like this girl, if they did they should be there for her. The freeform is written in a way that it seems to rhyme, or maybe it flows like a line, nice effect.
~Nymph

I liked that. Very dramatic, ful of emotion. You paint a very vivid picture of your characters and in so few words. A very human piece.
p.s thanks for your review of my betrayal poem. I think you have a good point about letting emotions out... its certainly not good to bury negative feelings. The trouble is when I read a lot of very angsty poems I start thinking that way. When I read poems about people cutting up I find myself wanting to do it myself- which bothers me. But from what I have seen of your poems, they have a healthy balance, while they are deeply emotional, even harrowing at times, they don't loose sight of... life, I suppose. I don't think that really makes sense and I'm veering off subject rather now so I'll just say... keep writing, you have talent!

Wow.

This is awesome. You really get inside the speakers head in this peom. I loved this poem. I didn't expect the ending, but it felt right, especially becase the poem is titled "Betrayal".

The only thing I'd suggest is to seperate the last three lines from the peom to emphasise them.

Anyways, I loved it.
Cheers!

nice job. )

Wow, this is good. I've felt like that but over all I ended up lending a hand.
Anyway-I really like your stuff, keep it up k?
keep writing-
till-iburnout

wow... its amazing!

That's really sad Jake...I really like this one! I really like your poems...I'll add you to my alert list as soon as I stop being so lazy...sorry I haven't updated anything..I'm typing up chapter 7 of my story.

That's really sad Jake...I really like this one! I really like your poems...I'll add you to my alert list as soon as I stop being so lazy...sorry I haven't updated anything..I'm typing up chapter 7 of my story.

I like this but seriously hope that it's just how you feel on the subject and that it hasn't happened to you. cause that'd suck.