This is just unbelievable. Unbelievable. My favorite part:

of the sweat that collectson the nape of lovers necks

It's just got such flow and fierce emotion. Argh. And I thought I was good at rhyming.

O, I like the words you use. The imagery is great. I think I'll read it again.

I wanted to reply to your review for me (The Things You Do) and I didn't know where I could, so here I am:

Yes, 'dampen' to 'dampened'. *will change it when I get home* I know I must sound cliché and some things are out of place, but those were the first words that came to mind and I'd like to keep the writing as it is to remind myself exactly how I felt.

Thanks for the review, I appreciate your comments .~

I have to fall back on the fact that many before me have made: this is beautiful. There is a certain touch that you have to force these words into place-or maybe you gently herd them?-whatever your approach, it is beyond me. This piece however, is not over my head. The wordplay and rhythm to "Lyric" is unmistakably well thought-out and set into play.
I am beyond humbled.

i love how you combined so many different objects, feelings and description to come together for a common point. your imagery is amazing (as always). and like it or not you have made me inspired to pick up that hesitant pen again and try something else. strive for some unseen thing, and just use the imagrey as my guide. which is what i should have always done.
but yeah, back to the poem. it was just pretty to me, i think that if you can take someone's imagination away to a wonderful place that tv and movies could never do than you've given them a piece of happiness in thier lives. imagine how something like this could reside in one's mind. although you couldn't instantly recall it 40 years later, it's still in there somewhere. thats powerful, and you've done well.
Jasmine

You stun me into silence. A lovingly crafted work from someone who claims to be abandoned by the lyric mind. You always have a way with images that makes me want to go out and write something really really good; which is no small feat, inspiring competition in "apathy boy"(as my friends have called me). I think I will spend a long time trying to match this piece. Wonderful...

O_o Damn you got some style. Thanks for that review, it was a *expletive deleted* little piece of Kitsch. I will definitely tweak the heck out of that little bugger of a poem until it serves my artistic and human needs for expression of pain and sorrow. As it is it depended too much upon repetition and lacked depth. Thanks again for the eloquent, tactful, and timely review. Please excuse my language, for I am in something of a sour mood at the moment. Again, I count it as a blessing that I ran across you. Please feel free to take a look at some of my better work, as not all of it is... drivel. In any case, thanks again and this song was truly a beautiful and inspired piece. Well done! Take care and best of luck.
Sincerely,
Matthew

Wonderful poem. It's so beautiful, and so original...! Great job!

Again, amazing layout, how do you do it? It is a talent you have to make such interestingly appealing poems, sory to screw up your nice info stats by adding lots of reviews. You really can end poems well.
Nine Iron

The second stanza is done tastefully. I like the idea that insight comes in a drink. I like the sliding along strings, it reminds me of that poetry in motion poem, on the bus. The sexual chocolate kind of comes out of nowhere...but I like how it sings of all these things. Wow all these idea are all intertwined. No wonder you're majoring in English. I applaud your talent my PIC.

wow... I am so fucking blown over by that... That was so damn beautiful

mm strange stly that really workks. i like it, as u say the tongue in mind,i like the use of synasteisa, its avery descriptive poem,...anyway i like it, v interesting