Reviews for The Academy Revised
Amelia Oliver chapter 9 . 6/24/2005
I think that your story would be easier to read if you gave CuteGuy a name (even just Guy) becase I have trouble believing that people would go around calling someone that.

Also, Agent 13 wasn't very opposed to Rose's idea after he initially heard her plan. I think it'd be more realistic if he contemplated it for a few days, and then agreed to it only because it's their only choice. If someone didn't like an idea, but knew they had no choice, they probably wouldn't be as quick to agree to it.

Rose was swooning pretty badly over a guy she'd just met, and he was returning her affections as if he'd been nursing a crush on her for years. I think it'd be more realistic if he gradually stole Rose away from Trumpet, not completely within the first five minutes of meeting her. It's alright to have him like her right away, but not very realistic for him to be so open about it.

In response to your profile: Band nerds rock (if you couldn't tell, i'm a band nerd too).

Don't take my word for granted, I'm just one opinion. I completely loved your previous chapters, this one just seems a little off.

Best of luck on your future writing~Amelia
Amelia Oliver chapter 1 . 6/22/2005
This is an awesome story you've got going on here! I hope you continue soon!Best of luck~Amelia
girl-23 chapter 3 . 1/4/2005
Okay, so I'm usually more into, like, romance and teen-type fiction (which is what I mostly write) but I am getting into this story. I noticed a few more mistakes in this chapter, like missing words. I think if you just read over the chapter once or twice before you post it, you would catch the errors. Or have someone else read it over for you. Good chapter, and I like how the plot is progressing.

~Laura~
girl-23 chapter 2 . 1/4/2005
I really like that your chapters are long - most stories on FP these days are too short for my liking. Again, I am noticing alot of missing commas, which would just break up the sentences better if you put them in. Good chapter, though. I like how you introduced Trumpet. I'm off to read the new chapter!

~Laura~
girl-23 chapter 1 . 1/4/2005
Hey! First of all, thanks for reading my story "A New Beginning", I will be updating soon and for your story, it seems to have a good plot - so far, I've only read the first chapter - and I think you have great potential. There are a few commas missing here and there - sorry, I'm a comma and punctuation freak - and some of the sentences could use more detail and such, but otherwise good job! I'll be going on and reading more now!

~Laura~
Mina Carlisle chapter 6 . 12/31/2004
Good job, I like this. I hope Trumpet is okay (btw, that is a really cool name, Trumpet)
TaschaBear chapter 1 . 12/22/2004
Hey there! Thanks for reviewing my story, " My Past, My Present, My Future" but so you know only 4 of the characters in this story are going to be significant so you know. So, I hope I wont get you to confused when I add some more characters. But, those aren't going to be important so if you forget them its okay. :-)Well, to your fic! I like the idea of the story but it sounds too much like "Agent Cody Banks", so what you might want to do, to make it more original,is to maybe choose a differnt location Rose could go to...like Germany! For example. And i have to say that some of your sentences are kind of choppy...but I SEE MORE POTENTIAL in you than you give out. I think what will happen is, the more you write the better you will get..so dont worry about that. THIS IS NOT A FLAME! I am trying to help you in your writing so it will become more succesfull!

Keep on writing!

Nessa
murphy1086 chapter 1 . 10/9/2004
It was good, although I feel like the story was rushed and it didn't have enough of the setting or the development of the characters. Everything was happening very quickly, and the dialogue seems, again incredibly rushed.
Alexz Lynn chapter 5 . 10/6/2004
I noticed a few spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes, so you might want to read over it and fix those. Otherwise, it was a little confusing still (maybe it's just me). Thanks for all the reviews of Lizzie's Summer!
~ Alexz Lynn
JDWrites chapter 1 . 9/12/2004
Um...a bit confusing but okay... How did you find me? Do you jstu stumble across people like I do? I didn't think anybody actually would find me...(accidentally I mean)
Slave to Stories,
Gaki Toki
MusicalTragedy chapter 1 . 9/4/2004
Sweet story, i can't wait to read the rest! (my computer's being dumb) keep it up! :-)
~VikingSoftballGirl40~
Alexz Lynn chapter 4 . 8/7/2004
Ok - I don't know if it's just me, but this is getting kind of confusing. Let me see...Rose has gone to this academy with another boy in her area (is David Trumpet?) to fight the Mafia. Exactly why was she chosen for this mission? And why are teenagers fighting the Mafia? I'm a bit confused. Did I miss something? Otherwise, it's a good story, I'm just really "blonde" (even though I have brown hair). Keep Writin'
~ Alexz Lynn
shyXshortieXbabe chapter 1 . 7/26/2004
AH! nice plot and first chappie! I wish I had time right now to read more. Well anyhow this plot is just awesome. Great job.
Alexz Lynn chapter 2 . 6/26/2004
Good story - Keep it up!
(P.S. Thanks for the review for Lizzie's Summer! I'll be updating often, so put me on your author alerts.)
RoseSeaportanz chapter 2 . 6/12/2004
yes well this is my story. But just to say something my story is really just bout The Academy. I showed Rose's life before The Academy to make a point of her normalness.
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