Reviews for Awash In Pain
Steel Winged Angel chapter 1 . 8/30/2004
Self loathing and feeling like you deserve the pain you feel. It's not fair. Grr...in any event, a wonderful, yet saddening, poem yet again by you _
Hawke
Wren Craven chapter 1 . 5/6/2004
Once again you slay me with your work! Had I more time, I would further my praise of this piece, but a parental unit is hovering over my shoulder, silently begging me to get offline...
chloe
Whips and Chains chapter 1 . 5/4/2004
If only you knew how much pain this has caused me too. (btw gogodidi posted a review of this for me...before i realized how stupid that was) I'm sorry that so few words can hurt so much...but the pain does good, i think, in the end.
GogoDidi chapter 1 . 5/4/2004
i never knew i hurt You this much...great peom though
Karasu no sei chapter 1 . 5/3/2004
What does kriss mean?
I agree that "Myself I try to kid" is a little disjointed... but what you've been able to do with the rhyme is impressive.
"With a hand in a love
Of inky blackness" is a wonderful metaphor... if i have that right
Still the format and your use of capitals for key words is very powerful, and i congratulate you.
Karasu
Jennacharm chapter 1 . 5/2/2004
Is kriss a word?
I like 'cradle despair' good word choice.
Your second stanza isn't that strong. A lot of people work under the assumption that they have to rhyme. And if you don’t rhyme it’s not poetry.
Here it is really, don’t rhyme if it’ll limit what you have to say. If you can say it with rhyme, go ahead, it enhances your work. But if the rhyme will take away from your work, then don’t do it.
Comb through your work, and take out all that is there because it rhymes. Like 'myself I try to kid'. It's a little awkward.
Stay real in your work.
I do like the pages in your mind.
And I think it's pretty cool that you capitalized hope and despair. It gives the work more character.
Try
Heaven for poets.
- Jennacharm