Wow, really good Story.

Ehh... I think some of this could be slowed down and detailed more. The pace seems almost frantic. If you could find some way to provide some hint at more of the backstory before Sasha suddenly flings it out, it would feel more real. Instead, it comes across as an author just throwing out a lot of facts with little preparation. It doesn't serve as a thought-out surprise either, rather it just seems to break the flow awkwardly.

Interesting start, I like the set up already.

Just an fyi, in your description could you fix the typo (conquer/concur)?

I loved it so much! My dear, you should be an author! :)

Just read this and wanted to say its fabulous well done :) xx

Besides some minor mistakes, this was a really interesting first chapter :) I can't wait to read more!

For the sake of constructive criticism, I'm not going to sugarcoat this. It felt like you imagined such great things for your story, but they really didn't turn out. Number one, Sasha is sort of unlikable. She's either really angry, really sad, or kissing Nick. The last one isn't even an emotion. I can't say that she's "in love with Nick" though, because they've only stopped hating each other for what, ten days? Two weeks tops. The story moved a bit too fast for me: there was very little introduction before Nick and Sasha were thrown onto a case. The next day her sister is missing, next the whole crew gets there and analyzes every aspect of Sasha's love life. The next day her sister's body washes us on shore. She's at the funeral, then she's back home, she helps a new employee (randomly), then she's jumping across a table to punch Jim. I had to stop reading after that point so I wouldn't be able to tell you what happened next. There were quite a few grammar mistakes thrown in there (Geek instead of Greek, etc.) and the characters weren’t very developed. I mean—they had their quirks and their history planned out, but they just weren’t… very relatable.

And don’t get me started on the police-law aspect of this. It reminded me of one of the law shows where every three minutes they find some new piece of evidence, or know who the killer is, or…hmm…find a mysterious body wash up on shore of a valuable witness… … That part was just so unrealistic it was astounding. Carolyn’s body was found the day after she went missing, which I find laughable because I’m sure that NEVER happens in real life. It could take months or years for a body to wash up on shore—if it even ever does.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of your story, it is unique and original, and a very creative twist on a cliché (two people hate each other, circumstances through them together, love). I think your story has a huge amount of potential, but it just needs to be revised again. Please realize that I don’t mean to flame your story, or make you start crying because you think it’s horrible: it’s not. I’m being harsh on your story because it has the potential to really be great.

That was really beautiful...

Whoa. Amazing story. I know I'm seriously late in reading it. It says that you finished the story 5 years ago. I'm 5 years late, but i absolutely love the story. now, I'm headed over to "Have you ever seen the Rain?" Keep Writing!

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