Sometimes being random helps to express one's self better. I find a poem with randomness in it to be quite like minimalist art: it means more to the person reading it, because they can derive their own thing from it. It's not random to the point of incoherency, though, as you present a clear point of this poem, as a gift (or something of the like, an expression of your feelings for this person) to him/her. It was an enjoyable read to me.
Best wishes,
Robert Emmett

This was so cute and sweet. Even though you didn't write this poem the way you wanted to, I still think it's rather poetic. Not all poems have to rhyme, but it's the feelings and emotions that make the poem. From where I'm standing...or should I say sitting, I think that you've done an remarkable job. Great job, Ttfn.