Reviews for Sitting Inside: Through the Two Panes of a Window
LovesTeardrop chapter 1 . 6/8/2004
ooh I like this one
i was a postcard chapter 1 . 5/19/2004
Oh, I LOVE this contrast. Seriously, that's so brilliant. "Glass bound existence of many paths" Love it.
Cry Tears of Darkness chapter 1 . 5/18/2004
thats really nice. its like different views on the same thing thru diff perspectives.
End Of The Innocence chapter 1 . 5/17/2004
The first line should align with the first line of the second stanza. By this I mean that the word "window" should added before "pane," in the first line. Other than that, I marvel at how you express so much through so little words.
catseyeview chapter 1 . 5/17/2004
I especially like your top stanza, "glass bound existence of many paths." That line esp. says so much, a cut view of the city...I like too how the top window pane shows a place where their is no ceiling...actually a very profound statement in its simpleness.
suckerplucker chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
I think that the image you have here has great potential, but that this potential is not fully reached in this poem. To reach it I think you might try a less narrative/divisive approach. Starting your structure by talking about one pane and then the other, why not try the approach of talking about the entire image and end with its division? It might turn out pretty cool.
Again, I think there's massive potential to the image, and that you are well on your way to fully encapsulating it. You're just not quite there yet.
zac
twiggygurlusa chapter 1 . 5/15/2004
Its good
Kaxanthedragon chapter 1 . 5/15/2004
Just one of them simple poems. Quite interesting really. The reader can take it in many ways. You just leave the reader to fill in the blanks. I like it.
-Red
Amethyst Horizon chapter 1 . 5/15/2004
wonderful! i think it's very beautiful, short and sweet! great job!