|Reviews for Defense|
| Frank the Turkey chapter 1 . 6/14/2006
Okay... I think Jared is an idiot. The captian had just said "All the ships that have been destroyed, were because they offended the aliens" So what does he do? He goes and INSULTS THE ALIENS!
P.S. Where'd you come up with "Arrhorsians"? It's a neat name.
| Pheobe Meryll chapter 1 . 9/8/2005
I think the story itself is a lot better than you made it out to be. I'm pretty certain you're making a political statement, one with which I agree. I liked the last sentance - it came, actually, as really unexpected. The best thing you could do with the rest of the story, I think, is to draw it out more towards the climax.
A little mistake I noticed: "These aliens are not our friends, they're our enemy" - should be "enemies."
Otherwise, good job. I like short stories that get their point across.
PS Thanx for reviewing Butterfly...it's set in a culture of my own...and I just like the have my minstrels lying down. (I once saw a picture of Allen-A-Dale singing that way and was inspired.)
| Triden chapter 1 . 8/19/2005
lol, the UN trying to make peace with hostile aliens is highly plausible. futuristic things are hard to write, and you've done a good job! and thanks for the great critique of my story, it really helped.
| Pont chapter 1 . 11/15/2004
Earthy! Darling! *collapses* sorry I forgot to put you on the list! I putcha on, and I've also added you to my new list of favorite people (I'm so sorry I forgot about you ;_;). Really, you flatter me, I can't be THAT good. And you're way too modest. 'isn't so great'? Wow. Lol, I love the teachbot. Poor Jared. :P Don't we all know that pain... _
Whoa, getting a little out of control there. Lol! Weird. I'm still not sure what's up with these 'Arrhorsian's. Cool name though. Bloody captain :P
Great job! Love ya earthsong!
| aspiring author chapter 1 . 9/11/2004
Hey there, lazy me today.
Nice cliff-hanger. Keep going? I have found that if you work on something else, inspiration sometimes comes for the thing you need, you know? I like, I like!
| recalcitrant chapter 1 . 6/19/2004
i think that this is a very impressive write. it has a unique style and a strong voice. good job.
i hope you will take some time to review some of my work as well.
| Alisa chapter 1 . 6/13/2004
This was really weird but on the plus side, you are very creative. I couldn't have come up wih a weirder or more creative or "cool" (in your words) story. P.S: studying for history was enjoyable and informative. I am being like my cousin and using big words. lol. bye
| Queen of the Dragons chapter 1 . 6/2/2004
Interesting, but I want to know who was right-the captain or the kid? Also, the end was a bit sudden, and made the story seem like it was written in a very short period of time.
| Karasu no sei chapter 1 . 5/28/2004
hrm... it's not bad. has a sort of... grim humour, if you will, at the end. No it's not your best but it's still good, sorry i haven't reviewed in ages
| Eagle Seance chapter 1 . 5/20/2004
I can't say I fully understand what's going on at the moment, but it sounds pretty interesting. Keep writing!
| Ancamna chapter 1 . 5/19/2004
Yeah, well, I guess I decided to take a break from homework. You can't really blame me.
p11: change 'the way I came' to 'the way I had come'
You're right, this isn't one of your best works. I can't pinpoint why, though - just the writing style. However, there were 2 specific parts that I liked. The first was when the TeachBot (I thought that was TechBot until now) acted smug b/c it doesn't like the kid. _~ The second was the end. When the world blew up. Technically, that's not funny, but I mean more ironical funny that laughable (is that a word?). I've been wanting to write a story where the bad guys win in the end, but the end is more of a surprise than sad. You just did it. Congrats. (Though I'll probably still do it sometime. _)
PS ~ Do you mean to write a second chapter? Or is this the end?
| PaulAsaran chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
Actually, I thought the ending was kinda funny. Don't know if you intended that or not, but it seemed so to me. I'm kinda curious as to why the Arrhorsians just started attacking humans initially, but I'm a stickler for detail so don't worry about that.