Reviews for The Moon, as Seen Through a Pine Bough
Aeris D chapter 1 . 5/17/2004
While I do agree with some of the grammatical errors that were pointed out in another review, I don't believe that it's too opaque and confusing. After reading it through a couple of times, which is usually necessary with poetry, one can understand what it is about.
Very pretty.
Dafna chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
I really like this poem; symbolism usually escapes me, but I can understand it in this one... I look forward to reading more of your work.
suckerplucker chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
This is dissappointingly opaque.
but i'll get to that in a sec. first some grammar gremlin issues
L1. you have to use 'weave' and not "weaves" here, strands is a plural subject, so the verb has to be 3rd person plural.
L3. Clefts doesn't work here, it's not a verb. A Cleft (noun) is a notch. You may be trying to find the word 'Cleaves' which means to split or fragment. Even though it messes w/ your rhyme scheme, it'd probably be better to find a new rhyme than to discredit yourself with misused vocab.
L5. Whats a backseat road? A longer form of back road?
I don't get the second half of this poem. What are empty loads? is this a drug reference?
I understand that a bobbing pine branch is a pendulum, and at a stretch can understand 'ancient time' as pine trees always seem old. However, what do you mean it "has me"? And what does the nature half of this poem have to do with the section about "backseat roads"? just curious
As for being opaque, the way you've structured your language here, it's hard to get into the piece during the first reading. i really had to go back and pick apart the lines to make (some) sense of it. This may be your purpose, but I can assure you, poems are more successful when they have an apparent surface meaning, and if they have a 2nd, deeper meaning, that's all the better.
zac
nine iron chapter 1 . 5/16/2004
Very visually intense. Striking to the senses