Reviews for Long hard road
singingspeechless chapter 2 . 5/20/2004
Ok, so this is a review on both chapters... I think the theme is very sad but I know it's a reality. overall, i think you did a good job but i think it was very choppy and didn't flow at some points. how everything worked out (as far as the character interactions) didn't seem realistic (i'm not putting down your story or how this actually happened for kids going through a divorce). i don't was good but hard to read at the same time...esp. w/grammar errors. other than that-great job.
Nestalgica chapter 1 . 5/17/2004
Well, you've got a great idea here. your sentences, however look like this:
I ate breakfast.
My mom was not home.
she worked at a restaurant.
My dad was gone too.
He worked for his brother.
See? Intead of short little sentences, draw out the paragraph with some adjectives! You're just telling the reader where everyone is! Show it to them, paint a picture in their mind. If you've ever read a book by J.R.R Tolkein, then you'll know what i'm tlaking about.
I loved the first paragraph, it was really good.
Ok, cya later! _~
~Max W.~