Reviews for To be a Mortal
neubauje chapter 1 . 11/2/2005
You know, I'm actually liking the looks of this. I'll probably be back to read the rest of it.
Shadow Gryphon chapter 7 . 10/8/2004
_ Cute ending! Yayness!
Shadow Gryphon chapter 6 . 10/8/2004
Aww... End of Cebrain. But now he can poke Marius with his scepter! _
Shadow Gryphon chapter 5 . 10/8/2004
Oh, that's good. Back home for Cebrain soon.
Shadow Gryphon chapter 4 . 10/8/2004
That is a good point. Why would Zeus leave him looking like that? But nice chapter!
Shadow Gryphon chapter 3 . 10/8/2004
_ Vengeful, no? Marius is quite tempermental... he deserves to be poked.
Shadow Gryphon chapter 2 . 10/8/2004
Very, very nice! Yes, it took me a while to get here... sorry!
Amusing, too!
Shadow Gryphon chapter 1 . 8/12/2004
I like it.
A.R.B chapter 1 . 8/5/2004
Ha, now this looks interesting; Hermes always was my favorite god. Wish we did fun Latin projects. Ah, anyways, I just started this, but it's already complete, so ignore the pointless nitpick: there were a few minor grammatical mistakes, such as missing commas in dialogue. Also, the semi-colon is a wonderful punctuation mark, but you used it in several places where a period/question mark or a colon would have better suited. Okay, pointless nitpick over. Very creative way to explore Roman culture, and I'm off to read the rest.
Ekuboryu chapter 1 . 8/1/2004
The voice you choose is pretty funny. I alway did read myths and think that Hermes was a smartass...
The Restock Bandits chapter 3 . 7/19/2004
Well, this has certainly been an interesting lesson in Roman/Latin culture. I learned quite a few things.
One thing though, Hermes/Cebrain keeps cursing that everything is horrible, and planning his revenge, but no one has really done anything bad yet to him. Secondly, you are right, you do need to work on your descriptions. You're doing well so far, but a few essential elements are lacking. Just remeber to include these:
Sense of smell: What does the air smell like, the wind, the house?
Sight: What colours are the things that Cebrain sees around him, and what is the landscape?
Feel: What texture are the objects that Cebrain handles? This can be acheived by simply inserting more adjectives before some of the more distasteful or wonderful items that Cebrain has to deal with.
Hear: What does Cebrain here around him in the forum? What do other people's voices sound like to him?
Taste: What does the air taste like to Cebrain? The food he eats?
That was just a quiky lesson in setting. It may sound tacky, but I use it, and it works everytime. You have a good work here though, so don't listen to me if I'm simply bugging the hell out of you. Just trying to provide advice the best way I know how. Keep writting!
Kon Savage chapter 7 . 7/5/2004
I'm glad you reviewed my story so I got to look at yours. This a great short story and I'd really like to know what grade ya got. No real complaints or needed changes. Anyway sorry if maybe you wanted me to read your newer stories...but there R...not that I'm afraid...or anythin...
Anyway I really enjoyed this especially the ending and how much like a true greek/ roman myth it was (how Gods used to take mortal wives) GREAT JOB!
Eagle Seance chapter 7 . 6/20/2004
Wow it's been ages since i read the first chapter, and now the story's finished! Hermes totally rocked!
And i think you should write a sequel.
Very well written- your fic's the only one i've read so far that is based on greek mythology. Write on!
strummychick chapter 7 . 6/12/2004
I hardly ever read long stories but glad i did, really enjoyed it. like ending, tres cool. Keep up good work!
Saharian chapter 7 . 6/11/2004
Hahah go Hermes! Lol I like this. It is definitly a better ending than if you had just gone with the last chapter. One thing though- didn't they say in Greek Myths that only gods could live on Mount Olympus? So does Laelia become a goddess and if so what of? Or is she just granted special permission? Maybe I am just nit-picking again but oh well. Great story, I really enjoyed reading it!
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