Reviews for The Beginning of a New Time
Moon Dusk chapter 1 . 5/22/2004
Lovely truely lovely. Though out the story one could sense the feelings of pain and depression. You seem to have a nack for desciption and simplicity which in this short chapter you blended together wonderfully. I look foward to more chapters.-Angelwings
Anarchist Smurfette chapter 1 . 5/22/2004
Not at all bad, but... somehow it just doesn't move me at all. There's huge potential here, but I can't seem to make myself feel for the characters involved - the narrating character doesn't really seem to be there as a character at all, in fact: she's just a device to remember events and say a few lines. And because the story's about how the Depression affected people (laying aside the moral at the end, which I'm not in favour of due to a purely personal dislike of moralising) then you need actual people to be there for it to be affect.
-
As far as your writing goes... again, not bad, but it just fails to sparkle. In some ways this would be easier to say if you simply had poor grammar, but you're actually doing a lot of things right, so that I can't just tell you to go work out how to use commas. Hate to say this, but what you really need to do is go over things with a fine-tooth comb and get rid of a lot of niggly little things which are barely noticeable on there own but have a cumualtive effect which just drags the whole story down.
-
Hate to finish a review on a negative note, so I'll repeat: I do like this story and it is a very long way from bad.
- Anarchist Smurfette