|Reviews for Greava|
| Drunkenmonkeyking chapter 20 . 3/5/2005
Ah, you're write, I did forget to read this chapter! Pretty good, I liked the bit on all the different reasons they gave for continuing to travel during the day on the third day.
However, the very last part at the end in the fight between A'Jete and Sitka, it started to get a bit confusing. What did Sitka do to piss off A'Jete? Why would Greava be so effected by it?
That was the only thing that seemed a bit off. Anyways, hoping to see a new update soon!
| Moroni's Daughter chapter 10 . 1/21/2005
Okay- here's my review. Forewarnig: It's going to be long.
Prologue: This may be short, but I sort of like it this way. Also Greava's description is excellent. I am very much pleased with the fact that I am not encountering yet another Mary-Sue.
Chapter 1: I love the comparison of the sea to a cat. Very original. However, the sentence length has very little variation at the beginning. Try reading it out loud -that might help.
Chapter 2:["So, do you understand the assignment?" the man behind the desk asked.[Kryst examined his nails nonchalantly. "Find the girl, bring her back, collect payment, and go blow it on booze and chicks." He replied lazily."Precisely," the man answered.]
-Hilarious. I think i am going to find this Kryst character quite amusing.
Chapter 3:Now you've got me hooked. I can't wait to learn more about Flame Franchises.
Chapter 4:Yes, I am definitely going to like Kryst.[He really didn't know why, but when he sat down to think, nobody ever bothered him.[Hmm . . . Perhaps it has to do with the giant four foot sword, and the murderous glare he shot at everyone who looked at him? Not to mention the homicidal glint in his eye.]
Chapter 5:Kietra...yes, she does seem a bit odd. At first, I thought she was going to offer a different type of job. Hmm...
Chapter 6:Oh. poor Greava! I think I'm starting to like Kietra. No problems that I can see in this chapter. And yes, there was a point for this chapter -comic relief.
Chapter 7:You actually managed to make me laugh out loud. Good for you.
P.S. I love the author's notes.
Chapter 8:Tara-Karak Island? I suppose that'll be explained in later chapters.
Chapter 9:I see less and less passive voice as the chapters continue. Good job.
Okay, that's all I can review tonight. I have [sigh] math homework to finish.
| Katie-chan chapter 20 . 1/21/2005
Um...I don't get it. Sorry, but I don't. Could you please elucidate?
| Moroni of the Mount of Ro chapter 20 . 1/20/2005
Yes. I'm reviewing my own story. XP I just needed to remind myself that ecerything from chapter one to chapter fourteen absolutely, totally and completely SUCKS! The prologue and from 15 on was good. But the rest - except for a few one-liners and paragraphs - totally stunk. I would be like, "XD! Fruitcake! That sucks." I can't believe Kryst wanted to host a "convention" in a coffee shop. You can't fit a "convention" in a coffee shop. Kryst: Do they have ice cream in the coffee shop? Nobody can look dignified eating ice cream!" Me: XDDAnyways . . . I don't know what it was with me and the changing of certian events. It seemed to be a common theme. Also, as I was reading, I was thinking of ways to make my chapters longer. ::FALLOVERDEAD!:: XD; Yea . . . Cuz that is kind of annoying, isn't it? But, every time I read a part with Kryst in it, I couldn't stop thinking, "I love this man, I love this man." Cuz, I do. And he's so much more developed after all of my short stories. _ But, in chapter . . . Uh . . . What was it . . . Chapter Seven, Kryst says," Blacksmith . . . Oh yea . . . He needed a new dagger. All the more reason to get paid." Ah, yes . . . I think we have learned that daggers are VERY nice to have around, are they not?Kryst: Hell yea! And, thus . . . Some day (Nowhere in the near future, though) I will rewrite some of this. Especially chapter 13. I started on that one . . . But then I lost motivation. _;; That sucks. But . . .Yea. I don't even know how many of my readers will actually see this . . . But I felt like it . .. dammit!
| tawnyfawn chapter 1 . 1/19/2005
Oh, it's only the prologue and I'm already hooked! I s'pose that's the point of cliff-hangers, hey? P Anyway, noce prologue/beginning and even though it only went for a paragraph or so, it was still brilliant, and is one of those beginnings thatdraws readers in. D No critisisms, this is good! (I'll have to read more, to see if I can come up with anything more useful to say! P)
| Proh Crepitus chapter 20 . 1/19/2005
_ I actually signed in. Yay! Well, it was nice, and funny, and I really dig the part with A'Jete kissing Sitka. Twas funny. But the whole Sitka's reaction to Greava was rather unclear...like, Why would she care if all she got was a blank stare? ::shrug:: Thus it is typ'ed.
| Fohruun of the Phoenix Class chapter 19 . 1/19/2005
Oh, so cool! A'Jete is funny! And Kryst is cool! Write more!
| Fohruun of the Phoenix Class chapter 20 . 9/18/2004
I'm gonna be really mean about this and go have fun... and eat... and sleep... and rub it in your face! Not really, I'm just kidding...
| kaelabaelafofaela chapter 20 . 9/16/2004
Girl, you need sleep. Or cereal.
| Katie-chan chapter 20 . 9/13/2004
*pats* I know, dear, I know. Just let it all out. *is comforting* And quit some stuff. And send me your algebra...then again, don't. I only passed with a B.
| Kirona of the skies chapter 20 . 9/13/2004
o.O; Whoa. Dude, that is seriously scary.
| DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 20 . 9/12/2004
You need to relax Moroni! Too much stuff to do is bad for you!
So proclaims the DrunkenMonkeyKing!
| DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 18 . 9/9/2004
Still keeping it up with the SHORT CHAPTERS I SEE! *insert evil death glare here*. Nice way to flashback to the prologue, with the last chapter. Now we need to see just how badass a villain Kryst can be and see him kick some ass even with a huge hangover.
| DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 16 . 9/9/2004
Oh, c'mon! You can't call that a chapter, it's too short! You were doing so well too. Anyway, not too much to say of this chapter, but let's see some longer ones and I'll give you more to work with.
| DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 15 . 9/9/2004
Ah... evilness. Interesting. And here I thought he was going to be the "bad guy turned good" kind of guy. But, I don't see that as a possibility quite so much now. What will happen, what will we see? Time to go to the next chapter and find out!