Reviews for Revenge of the Samurai
Lady Lucia chapter 5 . 4/6/2006
Oh...soak up the angst.

Hey, remember me? Yup, haven't been here awhile. I read this in school and reviewed it here at home so ha! I can't really remember what I was going to put here...lucky. Kidding.

Like I said before, I'm enjoying your story and am anxious to know what's going to happen next. -

Loved the short sentenced ending.
Lady Lucia chapter 4 . 3/21/2006
This chapter has been you best so far. It had a nice and peaceful flow. The only problem was the paragraph were Satoshi was talking with Kaori about the slayers, "I am...rude to ask". That paragraph was a little off, it had several "bumps" and didn't really flow all that great.

I'm enjoying your story. - So, is Kaori going to be Satoshi's love interest? Huh? Can't have a samurai story with just blood...or maybe you can...Hmm...
Lady Lucia chapter 3 . 3/20/2006
Ha! You must hate me by now and are sick of seeing my reviews!

This was a nice and relaxing chapter. Liked it but I would have also liked to hear how and what he went through during his trainings. Like who it was that trained him and what he had to do to arrive to his master's feet and techniques...and maybe even mention his name... Well if you plan on putting this in later chapters, or already have, just ignore that. ; But if you're not planning on touching that topic, you might as well stop where you are because it will not be a real samurai tale without the pain and sweat from their traning...and the mention of their master's name...

I also think you could have gone a bit more in dept with Satoshi's thoughts before he went into the village.

That aside, I don't know how you do it, or what it is but I can see your character (Satoshi) so clearly. I picture him and surpisingly he looks like a dark-haired Kenshin. (Not Rurouni Kenshin style but Samurai X style)

Heh...take care now. Later.
Lady Lucia chapter 2 . 3/20/2006
Oh, brutal murders...and murderers! Damn them all! Poor Satoshi!

I found a simile in your chater! "Sadness rushed over him like a waterfall." Yea! I also found some of those "obvious" sentences...

"When Satoshi's father got close enough the slayer drew his sword up and stabbed the father in the chest. As he was stabbed his eyes widened and had a look of fear in them."

That last sentence seems off. What you can do is combine them. You don't even have to keep the same word choices. That's the beauty of combining sentences, you mess with them and change them into beautiful swans! Haha! Okay, getting off topic.

Another thing, since this is a "samurai" story, I know it will have blood, so be prepared to describe "blood bath" scenes...and lots of it which means no more of this "blood sprayed everywhere" stuff because it's going to get really old really fast. You might want to refer to other words such as "scarlet", "crimson", "avermilion" and other "red hue" words. This is also another great opportunity to literally "color" your story. Color it red! Blood red!

Sorry, got off topic again.

Don't get discouraged. I too recieve critisim and I suck at spelling! Even with word check!

Oh yeah, it's nice to read a story made by a fellow "Sakaki."

Hi, Sakaki-chan! I'm Lady Sakaki, how are you doing today?
Lady Lucia chapter 1 . 3/20/2006
Okay, I have a soft spot for samurais so the reason why I clicked on your story was because of the title, so don't hate it!

This was a interesting and enjoyable read. - Like the name Satoshi. Somehow I could picture the little boy. Aww, how cute. -

Alright, that aside, I'm sorry to do this but imporvements can be made on this story. First of all, have fun with your story! Color it up with figurtive language such as metaphors and similes, basic things of the figutive language family. I think this story topic would be excellent for irony and foreshadowing.

Also, don't state the obvious. For instance, when Akane was stuck, you put, "Akane fell to the floor because of the pain and shock." Obviously, we knew a 14-year old girl is going to collapse from "the pain and shock" from a blow like that. This is your opportunity to play with your story, add the "color" like I said earlier.

I did like your physical descriptions. They were vivid and yet again another opportunity to use those metaphors. (I like them better than similes -)

Like I said, I enjoyed reading your story. It seems like it will be an interesting read. -
Strawberry Palooza chapter 9 . 5/13/2005
I've never really read or watched a book or movie (respectivly) based on samurai's, but I really like your story! great job!
Heart of Chaos chapter 7 . 9/28/2004
Ooh, I like this story, so interesting. Wow, I can't wait to see where you take it, there are so many options right now. Pretty generic title, but definitely not a generic story. Can't wait til the next chapter!
Infamous Writer chapter 6 . 9/16/2004
Amazing job with this. You can go so far with this I can't even write it in a small amount of words. This is becoming a lot better than both my Blood-Splattered Samurai and Her Bloodstained Katana. You have a way with samurai tales, unlike me. :P Keep on writing- you have awesome talent. ~I.W.!
Relix chapter 5 . 9/11/2004
My God! I am in love with this! You really sound like an anime fan, geesh just read this story and you will notice. Really, update this more, I am kind of a samurai fan myself (look at my stories :P) and I need to say this one is very good. I see no problems with it, just update it!
Infamous Writer chapter 5 . 9/3/2004
You FINALLY updated! I've waited so long. These were amazing chapters, a few grammatical errors here and there but ah, we all have them, who cares. This is going to be epic... I can tell. Can't wait for the next chapters!
SkyeWolf25 chapter 3 . 8/26/2004
I think the word you are looking for is 'kimono'. Not too certain on the technicalities of the upper and lower parts but, kimono covers both the guys and the girls. Still, I enjoyed this,well, the first couple chapters were sad, but I could tell they set the stage for what is to come. Very nice. Plus, it seems I have found another Japanese writer! Yay! Your defently going on my favorites list. Also, I can't help but noticing a little flavor of Rouroni Kenshin in this and that it seems to have the same flow of my Japanese story, Crimson Katana. Just a comparison, anyway, I enjoyed this and hope you update very soon when you get home!
Cpt. Jack chapter 3 . 6/7/2004
Are the slayers at the village? Or did they already pass through? Either way, good chapter. After all that bloodshed a calm chapter was needed! Why won't you be able to update while at your aunt's house? Does she not have the internet? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until you get back. You better have a lot of chapters!
Infamous Writer chapter 2 . 5/30/2004
Amazing work! I loved the violence and the whole plot of the story, since I love revenge stories. Update soon, and keep up the good work!
justareader chapter 2 . 5/29/2004
Ooh, a nice and violent story! I like it. I hope you update soon cuz I can't wait to see where you take this story. It has a lot of promise. Great job!
Randomer chapter 1 . 5/27/2004
A very good idea being born here. The revenge for parents idea is a old one, but it is a good one. I hope to read more about what happens to Satoshi. One thing I found strange is the way Satoshis is thown though the paper wall, its sounds like a bit of a deathblow for an 8 year old.