|Reviews for Depression|
| 123456789gone chapter 1 . 5/27/2004
I know where you are coming from and beyond...
The poem is trying to make a very powerful point, and some of the stanzas achieve this well. Others however, let the feel down. You are creating an uncomfortable blend of lengths of line throughout the piece, that don't really flow together well. You are also possibly pushing too hard to describe the pain directly in the penultimate stanza.
And my usual rambings about needing more punctuation...
You have the raw material for something very powerful here. Rework it and polish it, and you'll have something spectacular.
| Sky of Water chapter 1 . 5/27/2004
I know exactly how you feel. I have never felt it for more than three mere months. (When I was writing my first poem) But I have been tourtured by it. It starts when you start to feel your art, your poetry,your stories- I mean really FEEL it!- but they are not the cause or the down-fall. If you'll beleive me- I think it's an imbalance of the soul. I think we just need to find our center, our reason for living.
I'm probably writing this more for mee than I am for you.
By the way nice use of metaphore. This is something I wold really consider buying. but that's only because of the subject. It's good, but it needs something to make it great. Ideas would be: rhyme scheme, rythym, repitition, some sense of organised thought.
| BestSkeptic chapter 1 . 5/27/2004
Very powerful. You would like my poem, "Pathetic Depressed People." (The title can be misleading, but just go check it out and see for yourself.)