Reviews for Special Olympics
slave to the voices chapter 1 . 5/31/2004
Very nice story, inspirational. I noticed you used a lot of unnecessary words; ie. Therefore, after that, etc. Otherwise, the mechanics and idea are very good. Good work, keep writing.
**Slave**
BTW...In my Stupid People story all the ideas are original even though only the second one actually happened. Thanks for the review.
Summner chapter 1 . 5/31/2004
Is this going to be a longer story or is it a one-shot?
The lines read very well and it flows evenly. Try adding more detail to the story in forms of the basic senses. Adding the subject's feelings and switching into their POV will really set it off as well.
Just for ex:
"Then he saw a dark, shadowy figure in front of him. It just stood there, doing nothing."
Instead:
Kyle looked up to see a shadowed figure looming over him, the features obscured in darkness, and a feeling of unease flooded him.
This one actually caught my eye fairly quickly and I was hoping that this was more of a story summary before you went into the actual detailed version. Please continue this one, it is very promising.
I hope I have been helpful.
~S