|Reviews for Ilindor|
| laerai chapter 14 . 2/2/2005
the development of the telepathy is good, but i think it goes so fast. like one minute, they are kissing (which was also sudden) and then she has telepathic abilities and they're trying to bring them out. slower pace maybe. i do like the plot. i also like the use of the colons and italics to designate mindspeech. almost like in mercedes lackey's books.
| megan3c chapter 13 . 8/20/2004
Excellent chapter. Hey look, I caught a fairy! Everyone- In your dreams.
| Kaliella chapter 1 . 8/20/2004
Thanks so much for reviewing every chapter like that; it really helps! Let me see if I can't clear a few things up for you... in Ch. 5, you have a good point about how maybe her mother should have put up more of a fight... although since it's already written, you could think of it as her mother being so surprised by Kathryn's sudden uprising (after years of obedience) that she simply stood in awe. In Ch. 6, the skeleton didn't move or anything; the description I used was simply to give the idea that Kathryn had torn the sword from its fingers, which made the arms jerk out of the ground. No danger. In Ch. 7... I just decided on Latin because it's an old language and I was too lazy to invent another one. Sorry lol. The reason I didn't spend too much time on the gnome city and rest of Kathryn's journey is because it would just add length to the story, and I was trying to get Kathryn and James together so that the rest of that drama could then unfold. The fact that Kathryn had no clothes on when she was found by James is supposed to get the idea across that she is very innocent, although if you didn't get that I must be doing something wrong. In Ch. 10, the fact that Firenza lent Kathryn the necklace to wear with the dress is just an added, but unneccesary, detail. No real significance. James' actions in Ch. 11 signify that he is a curious and headstrong individual... and let us say that he went to school as a very young child, perhaps 6 or 7, as a way of explaining that part. In Ch. 13, true, the romance is perhaps going a bit fast, although so far it isn't meant to be romance so much as attraction. Remember that Kathryn feels a strong, almost unexplainable attraction to James almost at the moment she meets him. James feels the same way; he just won't admit it. My point is that the two are soul-mates; meant to be together, and as the story goes on I will work to turn their attraction into actual romance, and love.
Hope that helps everybody a bit! A little note- it may be quite a while before a new chapter comes out, now that school has started. It is my junior year and I am being swamped... my apologies!
| laerai chapter 13 . 8/16/2004
I like the idea of their romance, but it does seem to be going a bit fast... but then again for two teenagers, that could be normal.
| laerai chapter 12 . 8/16/2004
I knew the faeries would be trouble! Poor trusting girl. She trusts entirely too much. So far it had been to her benefit, until now. So who shall save her?
| laerai chapter 11 . 8/16/2004
I liked that yiu didn't have Kathryn actually explain her story in words to them, allowing it to be skimmed over.I think it was a bit rude of James to have turned around already when she requested a bit of privacy in dressing, but perhaps he didnt see that much... or perhaps since he had never been around another being before, he was naturally curious, and didn't understand that he was doing anything wrong... yet in this chapter you had Firenza say that he had gone to public school and was ridiculed. I am wondering if this is a deliberate thing on your part, or an accident?
| laerai chapter 10 . 8/16/2004
Again with a little cliffie! Its good though. Very nice description of the dragon at the beginning. It seems odd that the dragon would give her a necklace out of neccessity for the dress though... its terribly nice, but odd.
| laerai chapter 9 . 8/16/2004
I like how you finally got Kathryn and James together. I was wondering how you would accomplish that after reading your summary and prologue, as it seemed the direction the story was to take.
| laerai chapter 8 . 8/16/2004
I like that you are putting more of an adventure into things now. I do think you should expand on certain experiences, like the gnome village...
You describe things very well, and I can easily picture them in my mind, but I feel that the pace of the story moves so fast because although what you do write is good, it doesnt seem to be enough. There should have been more suspense when she got sucked into the bog. Perhaps only having her head showing before making it out? The naked thing was a bit odd, but it was explained at least. I think I would be not want to be naked in a nasty bog like that though. You never know what is in it, and what is poisonous. Nice thing with the snakes too. I think it could have had a bit more detail though... more overall details would be good.
| laerai chapter 7 . 8/16/2004
I like the way you end the chapters, almost with a little cliffhanger. It entices one to read more. I like the gnomes. You did very well with the description. I at first though that it was foolish for her to trust them so quickly, but you remedied that later on. She would not have lasted long without them, and she really didnt have a great other choice. I do think the choice of latin in your kindgom is odd. It does work as a base language, but as this is a different realm than Earth, it seems as though there should be a separate language. It doesnt have to be obvious though...
| laerai chapter 6 . 8/16/2004
I liked the new addition of her finding the sword. I think though, that if the skeleton has movement, as it was looking for the sword, it might have put up a bigger fight. I also think that Kathryn wouldn't be wise to slumber while that creature is not so far away...
| laerai chapter 5 . 8/16/2004
I think there could have been more development in Kathryn's homelife and mistreatment before she left. I also think her mother should have put up more of a struggle. After all, she was slapped for merely trying to explain about the eggs in the previous chapter, but when she runs away, her mother merely curses and stands there...
I love the way you put the mindspeech between Firenza and James. I like the faeries and the name of their language. Very original. I like that you are building up James' story, and I hope there's more to come with that.
| laerai chapter 4 . 8/16/2004
Aha! I was waiting for her mother to impede her progress at the end!
| laerai chapter 3 . 8/16/2004
Ah, this writing now seems much more adult in style. I like it better. Perhaps your prologue was intended to be different...
| laerai chapter 2 . 8/16/2004
I like the plot idea. It is written as if it could be a children's book. I don't know if this is your intention, but it does work.