|Reviews for Within These Padded Walls|
| slothqueen851 chapter 3 . 12/14/2014
great read, really.
(i forgot how to grammar XD )
| slothqueen851 chapter 1 . 12/14/2014
great read !
| I Adore Linear Regression chapter 3 . 12/22/2007
Dude, this is good stuff. Aren't you going to continue?
| I Adore Linear Regression chapter 2 . 12/22/2007
I hope that she will open up.
| I Adore Linear Regression chapter 1 . 12/22/2007
| RuathaWehrling chapter 3 . 1/27/2005
Aha! I didn't realize you'd posted a new chapter to this. Allow me to read...
1.) Aw... Hiding in the toy chest is so cute! Reminds me of the one my sisters and I had - not that we hid from the same kind of things SHE is, of course.
2.) Was she sick before, or did this sort of just happen? How much time has passed since the last chapter?
3.) "I didn’t mean to call you Daddy!" - Oh! That's SO mean! Gr... I'm going to beat him up... even though (if I recall this story correctly), he's already dead.
4.) "Thank god" - Your choice, but do you want to capitalize "God"? Not that it's used in a truly religious sense, of course.
Very nice. If it wasn't a dream, I'd say the father scene was overdone, but since it is, that's fine. The only real question I have is whether her fever, etc, is from an actual disease, or if it's brought on by her panicked dreams. But I presume you'll answer that next chapter.
Thanks, and take care! -Ruatha
| Juni chapter 1 . 1/23/2005
Very creepy and detailed. I like it a lot, its very poignant and realistic. Awesome! : )
| Eagle Seance chapter 3 . 12/16/2004
it's not the end is it? hope not! please keep going! i hope the tragic bit isn't TOO tragic!
| Eagle Seance chapter 2 . 12/16/2004
poor michelle! this is dramatic writing at its best.
| Eagle Seance chapter 1 . 12/16/2004
wow. excellent first chapter. it was so intense!
| girl-23 chapter 3 . 10/25/2004
Good chapter again, very intense... but the point of view is sort of confusing in this chapter. There are a few times when you put "I" and "my" when it should have been "she" and "her". Otherwise, good writing and update soon,
| Haven of the Shadows chapter 3 . 10/16/2004
I really liked this chapter. It shows as updated yesterday, are you home? Or just get to play on a comp.? I'd call but it's too late right now. I just got off work a little while ago. ttyl Bye Bye. Call me if ya can. _~ BYE!
| BuffLie chapter 3 . 10/16/2004
First of all, I think you painted the scene really well. I could picture it all in my head. You could sense how scared she was.
But... sorry... there's always a but :x Again, I'm trying to help, I swear...
The one gripe is that when you write in first person, you're limited to only what your ONE character sees, knows, thinks and feels. If she was dreaming, that's all she would know. She might hear the voices of the nurses in the background, but she wouldn't know when different nurses walked/run in or out. And if she's having such a vivid nightmare that she's flailing around and screaming, there's a good chance that she *can't hear* what's going on around her.
I don't know if you care about this sort of thing, or if you are just concerned with the plot at this moment... but... incase you *are* concerned with this, these are my suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em :)
1. Rewrite the chapter so that you are only revealing what she thinks, knows, feels and sees, or 2. Make the story third person instead of first.
It's a good story overall though. I can't wait to see where it goes.
| Saharian chapter 3 . 10/16/2004
Yay! New chapter! I really liked it. I love all the italic sections, they really add more flavor to the story and help it along. :-) Awesome chapter and I hope you update soon!
| Ckashid chapter 2 . 10/7/2004
Aw, poor girl, I'd give her a hug but she'd probably think I was trying to sedate her. I like how you've been protraying your Head Shrink, lol, presonally trying to get Lancor to cooperate has been my hardest problem.
You have Michelle showing a subpressed longing for her family, however mean or nonwexistant they might have been. I wanna know more about the daddy! TELL ME MORE! lol, keep writing, read ya later!