Reviews for THEM: Arcia & Dane
Katsuhiro chapter 1 . 6/26/2004
The short sentence has often being quoted as being the most powerful, and indeed prized, tool in a writer's possession. However, overuse of it leads to your piece becoming formulaic, even predictable. Within the context of a romance genre, predictability is one of the major catastrophes to be avoided. Sadly, you fall into this pitfall.
You can see a style evolve throughout the piece, and it's not a healthy one. You write a sentence, usually about kissing/fondling/assorted acts of groping and then insert a single word sentence afterwards.
Is it effective the first time? An effusive yes.
Is it effective the fourth time? An adamant no.
The words you use are:
"Beautiful."
"More fun."
"Lustful."
"Raw Passion."
Please don't become too offended by my critique - you show promise as a writer simply because you try to employ a seductive, demanding style. But you mis-use this aforementioned style. Repeatedly.
see? ;) I look forward to reading the rest of your material lass, just remember to vary your sentence structure away from long sentence/one word, long sentence/one word.