Reviews for Finding Nerissa
Link Broken chapter 5 . 2/16/2009
i really liked the dialogue. it was realistic and it flowed smoothly

I also liked the plot. it's like, omg! what happened? what is going to happen? ah! so i guess you could say that it's definately got your attention!
Link Broken chapter 4 . 2/14/2009
okay this was a good tie up to what happened to the family in the first chapter, but why did it come so late? also, i had a feeling that the details from the first chapter all had some significance, so i'm wondering about that and i hope that you go back to the miller family later in the story.

I liked the situation the family was put in after Jessica's kidnapping. Seth at the head of the family and Arthur dying, it all seemed really realistic. nothing forced
Link Broken chapter 3 . 2/14/2009
okay so when I first saw "Jessica" i was like, omgosh! like the girl from the first chapter. but the character Jessica described here was so different than the one described in the first chapter it was like, say what? it showed that time had passed, and a lot had happened. this leaves more questions than answers, which was good.

I liked how you talked about the "artificial" dangers that fairy girls go through until finnally they get in a real one, but at the end of this chapter Nerissa is in a real one and she hasn't had any fake ones yet! that's a get ending to a chapter!
Link Broken chapter 2 . 2/14/2009
I liked your characters. Gilroy is entertaining, and Carey is intriguing. I don't really know too much about Nerissa, but I like that she's more serious than everyone else.

I was wondering, exactly how old are these girls we're talking about here? like 5, 10, 15? it calls them little girls, but then it talks about them falling in love.

if you are americain, "paralysed" is spelled with a z, not a s. if you're not, forget it. I really didn't find any spelling or grammer mistakes other than that at all.
Link Broken chapter 1 . 2/14/2009
I liked your writing. it wasn't an overbearing amount of information, but it didn't leave out any details either. it flowed well too.

Jessica's response at the end was definately hooking. it made it seem like she knew Mr. Douglass which made you wonder what this little girl was really up to all this time. It made you want to read more
Dredgeon Lord chapter 1 . 2/3/2009
'Arthur Miller’s family had been millers since before they had been Millers.'

That is a great opening line. I really enjoyed the first chapter. Your writing is to the point and fun to read.
mikey magee chapter 16 . 1/31/2009
I love the character of Nerissa in this chapter. Her inner monologue and detective skills were nice, I liked how she always thinks things through (well mostly) before she decides to act.

Not much to critique in this chapter. I would like there to be more description. It would have helped me envision the world a little better. For example, when she went to the doctor's I kept thinking of a modern day doctor's office. Just a few things and items like a say a wooden chair could have set that scene a little bit better. But other than that this was a nice chapter. :)
mikey magee chapter 15 . 1/31/2009
Woo hoo! More Miller Brothers :)

The dialog really jumped off the page in this chapter. I liked how you added certain bits of information while still keeping with their individual personalities. It seems to me like John is the leader of the trio, but that's just my guess.

I love how the plot is progressing. You're tying each on of the subplots into each other as the story thickens. You've also made each one of you're characters very simpathetic. I could feel Zypher's concern for his daughter throughout the entire chapter, but at the same time you kept him "business" when ever he talked. Well done!
mikey magee chapter 14 . 1/31/2009
This chapter read very well. Even though there wasn't a lot of description I could still see things clearly. I liked Nerissa's dialog in this chapter. It seemed very realistic. And for some reason I get the feeling she and James might end up as a couple.

I also liked how the relationship between Nerissa and James is coming to critical moments. It seems like a very important plot point and you conveyed it well.
mikey magee chapter 13 . 1/31/2009
Loved this chapter, I didn't see any grammatical mistakes.

Now, I liked the ending of this chapter the best. Nerissa made me laugh when she whipped out the change purse. It was funny, ironic, ridiculous, and perfect for her character.

This chapter read well. It all flowed nicely. The narrative into the dialog and vice versa was very smooth. I would have liked to see a few lines about the furniture, but again that's just a preference of mine.

The characters are progressing nicely. I like how Tate and the others rationalize things. It gives the story a good mystery atmosphere, even though everyone already knows what's going on.
mikey magee chapter 12 . 1/31/2009
"Tate smiled and pulleda thick pamphlet" Change "pulleda" to "pulled a" this typo is in the 8th paragraph, first line.

"uus will check on you in an hour." change "uus" to "us" (same paragraph)

"She didn’t think of it. Honestly, how poetic would that be – " I think you should change the dash to a period.

I like your use of olden language. Through out the story it has stayed consistent and it adds nice layers to the story's atmosphere. I also love the fairy tale motif you've built up. It has a nice olden feel to it, but the way you've incorporated it into Nerissa's mental make up really sets it apart. Nice job.
mikey magee chapter 11 . 1/31/2009
Excellent chapter. I think it's great that we're getting back to the Miller boys.

The dialog was good. I liked how it went back and forth, from Brian's childishness to John's anger and Michael's impatience.

This chapter was short, but it set up an important part of the plot. I would have liked to know a little bit more about the cell they were in, it would have helped me understand the situation a little bit better, but it's not a big deal.
YoungInside chapter 6 . 1/28/2009
Yet again, I enjoyed the comedic side of this chapter. I want to comment on the overusage of the word "incensed".

If words like that are often repeated, it starts to sound awkward. Still, great chapter. I enjoyd it tremendously.
YoungInside chapter 5 . 1/28/2009
I liked how the chapter was partically humurous; Narissa's father's thoughts were entertaining.

But, I disliked how he admitted that his wife was human to the nurse. At least, mention that the nurse has been working with them for so-and-so years, as to make her seem more trustworthy.

For one moment he was questioning her ... evilness, and the next, he;s revealing something direly important to her.
YoungInside chapter 4 . 1/28/2009
Honestly, I have to say I am VERY confused as to the time zone of this story. I woul make a guess to say that Jessica's Nerissa's mother.

I like the characters' belivability, although I detest Jessica's father's cowardness. But, it is all very plausible behaviour.

I don't like the ending, how you summarized it all too quickly.
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