Reviews for Water War
Al O Bunny Professional PS WP chapter 1 . 5/25/2006
I did like this story. It was quite descriptive and the idea of the story is solid.

But there are some things you could do to make it better:

First of all double space the story. That makes it easier to read and is just a good thing to do.

Second, make the story longer. It really is a good story, but it could be much longer if you threw in a little more description and maybe give some backround and detail to the characters.

And last but certainly not least are the three plot holes that I noticed in the story. How did the sleeping boy not wake up when the other boy was being pulled in. It just seems to me that he wouldv'e been awaken by the sudden shouting. The second plot hole that the boy didn't let go of the pole sooner. I mean if you were being pulled into the water by some mysterious monster thing you would probably let go of the pole. And also if the water was knee deep and the boy fell and then the monster got him that makes the monster seem kinda small and not really very powerful and scary. If you gave more description like having the monster rise up out of the water and beach himself to eat the boy that might make it a little better.

Again good story. Keep writing.
Nadie Anielka chapter 1 . 6/30/2004
It was very descriptive and interesting to read. This story would make a good story to tell around a campfire.