Reviews for The Chosen
Raomina chapter 20 . 12/29/2005
Heya, you have a pretty good story going on here! Are you going to continue it? Anyway, this story reminds me of Firebird by JC Jaquez. Not the plot or the crew, but the running and chasing part of the story. This story is unique and the plot is pretty original and I really enjoy reading it. The descriptions of the process of the end of the world were very good and I can imagine them wonderfully. The characters are all special in their own way, except perhaps Andrew. What's he for? And since he's a babe, who's feeding him the milk? Hmm...

Is their a Chosen that is superior to the other Chosens? And what is Echo's skill? Certainly not just 'playing sports' yeah? Are we going to meet the other Chosens? Oh well, here are some mistakes I've spotted from this chapter. It might seem a lot but it's not, really. None of them are major mistakes but I thought it might be good if you changed them.

'moaning in pain before *her* took a step' should be 'he'.

'She just raised her hand and let her *hands* fly over the keypad.' Should be 'fingers'.

'In the center of a dark room, a hard metal table lay surrounded by beeping machines.' Revise 'In the center of the dark room laid a hard metal table surrounded by beeping devices.'

'florescent' is spelt as 'fluorescent'

'To her surprise, the door was unlocked and it led into an empty control room, very small and barely able to hold the six or seven computers and monitors within.' Revise. 'To her surprise, the door unlocked and led her into a control room; it was very small and barely managed to contain the six or seven computers and monitors that laid within.' It can't be 'empty' since it has computers in it.

'A sudden gasp from Athena made her look up and grin.' Does the 'her' refer to Shy or Athena?

'grinned in pleasure' should be 'with', not 'in'

'instead directed his attention to his feet and making sure that they didn’t strip him up' should be 'made sure', not 'making sure'.

'At least she was shying awake from swearing again,' awake should be away.

'soon the corridor had opened up' the 'had' is unnecessary.

'Ro absently wondered if the walls were any light behind the pictures' Do you mean 'had any light behind the pictures'?

That's all I'm mentioning here. Do you have the plot to finish this story? Coz I really want to know how this is going to end. The end of the world? Please continue this story, and since it would be quite a hard work, good luck!
Lunestia Estina chapter 1 . 12/28/2005
This seems pretty interesting...so far...
Selena Brudi chapter 20 . 9/18/2005
wow... awesome story so far... normally i don't read "the end of the world" stories, but this one's really good, and i haven't really heard any plot remotely similar to this one... good job! keep up the good work and update soon!

~Mythical Luver~
Kristen-Roxanne chapter 20 . 9/18/2005
Damn this is an effing good story! It's so well writen and it kept me on the edge of my seat! OH I hope there is more to ocme
iglooey chapter 20 . 6/28/2005
Oh my God, this is such an awesome story. *squeal* Your descriptions and the plot itself are so amazing. There's something interesting about every character you have created. And you protray each scene so realistically. This is so awesome.

Um...I think it would be a little more interesting if you had a chapter that did not involve the Chosen ones. Maybe have a scene with regular people and show their reaction to what is happening in the world they are living in. This way readers will know what's going on in another person's perspective.

This is such a wonderful story. Please update soon.
Flower-in-the-Night chapter 20 . 6/26/2005
Gud chappie! plz update. Thank god they finalli got Lucian out of the presidents white house, yet i still wonder bout lys bro. I think he mite be alive. i wonder wat lucians plan is too ill have to find out by the next chappie. PLZ UPDATE SOON!
KiraLyrin chapter 20 . 6/21/2005
Oh my god, its brilliant! You've got everything! Love triangles, chases, adorable characters, death. It's so amazing, you have to update, Please!
Mi.Ishi chapter 20 . 6/18/2005
Fabulous story. Not really much of a sense of time though. Nor is there a ton of character development. And I think that putting two person's dialogues in one paragraph is a little confusing, especially with how vague you identify them. You need to make things a lot clearer, especially when there's so many characters. And the plot actually moves a little too fast. I think if you beefed it up it would be perfect. But the writing is wonderful. And the plot is so brilliant. I mean, terrifying, for sure, but it's wonderful. I personally hate humans for what we're doing to the world, and this really reflects how stupid Man can be. Everything's just...vague and jumbled. Maybe get an editor...they're perfect for helping out and they're such nice people.I hope I didn't discourage you. I'm actually really excited about this story. It's so wonderful. It just has a lot of potential. Play it up a bit. It'll be NOT wait until the next chapter. I'm so anxious to see what happens.

Cheers,-solin
Mya von Dor chapter 20 . 6/18/2005
oohh...fun...though, what about the guy from Lucien's vision, the one who isn't dead...I thought he was supposed to be in the white house as well...but maybe that's just me...anyway, good chapter!
A-Train chapter 20 . 6/17/2005
Aw. Poor kid. I love this story! Hurry and update! I almost forgot about it. Lol. I was kinda confused at the beginning of the chapter cuz I couldn't remember what had happened before. But good job!
Vanessa chapter 20 . 6/17/2005
It's comming along nicely Lee. For a while I wasn't sure you were going to continue to up date. I love climaxes... I hope you have some kind of fun twist in this... I'll hopefully see you on sunday at
Killer Tofu chapter 20 . 6/17/2005
About FRICKIN' time! Talk about action packed!
Cooties chapter 20 . 6/17/2005
Yay! They saved Lucian! Woo Hoo! Great update! Is Lys' bro okay? I hope he's alive. That would rock! I'm starting to like Maddox, he's actually pretty cool. UPdate again soon!
Death Princess chapter 20 . 6/17/2005
haha evil president dunt have lucien anymore 2 find out their location. hehe. there were quite a few typos in this chapter tho i cnt remember where they were heh. anyways is lyss's brother in the whitehouse as well or is he sumwhere else *shrug* anyway UPDATE SOON!
Serenity Marie chapter 20 . 6/17/2005
Okay, while i have yet to read this chapter (i am printing it out because i am being phsicaly kicked off the computer) i just want to say I LOVE YOU! (kidding) this is my absolute favorite story and you updated!

Don't worry, i won't start stalking you or anything! just update lots!
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