Reviews for The Chronicles of Zephyr: Rise of Evil
Jade Carroll chapter 4 . 7/7/2010
Just to let everyone know, I've completely rewritten Zephyr's character in the first 7 chapters. Some might not like it, some might. As I pointed out in my Bio, a lot of people have found Zephyr too straight-edged and predictable. I've rewritten Zephyr as a more arrogant, withdrawn character now, and added more foundation to a few of Zephyr's friendships.

On a side note, I've been having troubles getting the format to translate properly on FP, so if you notice anything such as incorrect paragraph breaks, or font modifiers (bold, underline, etc.), let me know so I can try to fix it.

Finally, to reiterate the first paragraph, any and all feedback on Zephyr's new character would be fantastic. I've saved the original text, so if it's agreed that the new direction is a change for the worse, I can easily change it back (I like it more this way, though). For those of you that find it out of place, my plan is to make Zephyr go through a drastic change with Olivia's influence (providing more foundation to their relationship), so I've focused on the particularly negative aspects on his character for now (ie don't think of it as a permanent change) so I can emphasise how Olivia affects him personally. But as always, you're the readers, you're the ones that count, so let me know what you think. )
EnvoyOfAereldar chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
The Chronicles' are pretty awesome already, but you haven't seen anything yet. I've been reading the latest edits and this is gonna change massively for the better. You guys are gonna love the new character development. You just gotta wait and see. ;D
Anehalia chapter 53 . 1/14/2010
That, was awesome. Sometimes the switches in character point of views was confusing but it worked really well for the battle. I loved the battle scene. That was worked beautifuly.
Sabrina Zadora chapter 2 . 5/25/2009
i think these are great! good job!
Jade Carroll chapter 15 . 1/10/2009
Just for those of you who have been keeping up with the story, I've gone back to some of the earlier chapters and fixed a few of them (my apologies to anyone that jumped at the update quickly and ended up getting jumbled). Most are a few editing quick-fixes, but the biggest change is the insertion of Artemis and his backstory. The old Chapter 15 has been split into three chapters (15 & 17 are the old chapter 15, Chapter 16 is Artemis' new part), and Dextyrious Arc (now chapter 18) also has another lengthy Artemis scene.

Thanks to all those still still RnRing, and over the next few days I'll try and get some more scenes detailing Artemis' part in it all (as well as get back to some of the reviewers). Thanks again guys!
The Desert Wind chapter 43 . 1/5/2009
i liked the chapter for the 30 seconds it took to read, i do not remember Artemis except for chapter 42, was he just inserted as a focus point to show the attack or was he in the story earlier and i just don't remember him either way the chapter was good i will not criticize for its shortness for 2 reasons 1. my chapters are short as well 2. I'm guessing there will be more added or you just felt like it needed to be there to cover somethings, what ever your reasoning i will not question it.

EagleEye
Anehalia chapter 42 . 12/17/2008
I started at chapter 40, the last chapter I had not read... I continued to read and at first I was a little confused and then it made sense to me... but is chapter 40 a flashback...? other than my being a touch confused, the writing was good and the story overall was good.
The Desert Wind chapter 1 . 12/5/2008
found the first chapter was fast not short but went by a little to fast for my taste and felt as if it revealed to much I might be the only one who thinks this as the other reviews disagree with me and if I am, thats good, for you at the lest, for it makes me an oddball :( but it removed the hook but next chapter BAM hook is back, and alot bigger to, this story kept me up until 4:00 in the morning. I just keep saying after this chapter *click* ok after this one, now you're putting me though withdraws because I can't say ok after this chapter anymore, because I've read them all! hurry and finish the next chapter before this kills me :

Please and Thank You,

EagleEye
Darkfairy102 chapter 2 . 6/19/2008
O.k then...hm nice start(dunno if I reviewed for the first chapta but, yeah)No spelling errors as far as I could see...

-Vampriss2
Leah Johnson chapter 3 . 6/19/2008
Oh, I definitely like where this is going. I'm pretty excited to read more!
Leah Johnson chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
So far, I've only read the first chapter. It was really great, and I enjoyed it a lot - definitely made me want to keep reading. If I may make a few suggestions, though?

There are a few spots where your punctuation is off. Part of this might be because some of your sentences are structured awkwardly. It's not really a huge deal, and probably the result of quick editing. Just putting that out there.

Also, I feel like it moved very quickly. Maybe it could be fleshed out a little in some parts, perhaps with Zephyr's thoughts and emotions.

All in all, though, I really liked it, and I look forward to reading more.

If you have time, I was wondering if you might stop by my profile and take a look at my story Banestones and give it a quick review? It doesn't have to be terribly in depth, just let me know how you like it? Thanks very much!
Eregon chapter 1 . 5/26/2008
I love how the story has been progressing so far. Great suspense at the end of some chapters, and beautiful battle scenes. I'm just hoping that more chapters will be released soon and that my browser stops being lame. Love the style you write with, you should really keep to it. Its a great style that I really have enjoyed reading.
Anehalia chapter 39 . 3/25/2008
I trually can't wait to read more. Hope to see more soon.
Jade Carroll chapter 3 . 11/23/2007
Hey, thanks for reviewing. _

About where Olivia stays, I'm actually in the middle of writing a scene that involves her home (she lives on a farm), but most of the time she stays in the Denada Academy dormitories.

Also, the majority of spelling oddities would probably stem from me living in Ozland (Australia). :P
Eregon chapter 33 . 11/22/2007
Just read all the chapters and my god do I love your story! I like having the chapters in such a numerous amount here. That way I can read more without stopping, more like a book xD. I'm really enjoying the story here and it does really seem like Raziel has something for Melissa. Also, where is Olivia staying at? And Zagan reacts too harshly ... Azalea, though she has good intentions, really doesn't understand the lack-of-help trying to peace-talk with people, really is. I completely side with Zephyr on the fact of fighting those soldiers at the Denada Academy. Not like he had much choice in the matter. Anyway, so far, GREAT story. Noticed a few grammar/spelling oddities, but was able to read fine. Hope there is another massive update like this one .
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