Reviews for The Chronicles of Zephyr: Rise of Evil
Anehalia chapter 33 . 11/21/2007
Coming along nicely. How did you write so many chapters from the last time I read? Keep writing!
Anehalia chapter 16 . 11/20/2007
What happened to the horse guy and why is Leon fighting against Zephyr?

Good story keep writing
Anehalia chapter 10 . 11/13/2007
Keep writing! This is turning out to be a good story. There are a couple parts in your story though where a reader goes huh? Other than that good.
Shadowwolf Ackers chapter 17 . 7/16/2005
Pretty much everything I said last time sticks except for the part about Azalea. To completely get rid of her character was and seemed a bit silly and replacing her well that just confused me (but then again I'm easily confused). I didn't even notice Lazaro but then apart from the beginning his character wasn't really a pivotal one. I like the fact when you changed it you added them back in.

Chapter lengths were heaps better.

There were a few bit were it was a repeatition at the end of what you had already said in the beginning same sentence.

But all in all; I love it.

Shadow
Manta chapter 1 . 4/15/2005
Great work. _
Shadowwolf Ackers chapter 1 . 4/12/2005
Stupid stupid me forgot to write some of the other stuff I wanted too. That's what I get for not re-reading what I wrote before hand. It's well written. The varying length of the chapters, although it can be annoying sometimes, I like it because it isn't as a hassle to read the entire chapter like it is when someone writes a chapter that seems to go on forever. (no offense to anyone that writes those sorts of chapters)I think the balance between dialogue and desciption is fine.I think that's all but if it isn't I'll probably just choose another chapter at random to review.

Bye Shadow
Jade Carroll chapter 1 . 4/12/2005
Y'know, everyone notices Azalea is gone, but nobody realises Lazaro has also disappeared.

Did anybody pick up that Zephyr's mission was to ESCORT Azalea to the Denada Academy of Mensa, and he had no intention of SEEing her before then, considering she pretty much rejected him for Zagan?

I know if I were in Zephyr's case I wouldn't want to ever see Azalea again, especially if someone better came along.
Shadowwolf Ackers chapter 47 . 4/12/2005
Good story. I really like it a lot. The use of the last sentence of the previous chapter as the first on the next is one way of having continuity but it also can get in the road of that same continuity as it did here: 'He then turned and headed to his room, debating what choice he would make.'Apart from the fact about halfway through you completely seemed to lose Azalea and replaced her with Olivia seemed some of your wording was a bit awkward in some of the earlier chapters but otherwise grammar and spelling were 's the critisism anyway. On the other hand it was a captivating story that kept the elements of action, romance and fantasy very equally balanced. I enjoyed it like I do most fantasy/action type keep writing.

Shadow
Jade Carroll chapter 21 . 4/7/2005
She's not a warrior, she's a teacher, so she can't fight.
FireDragonBL chapter 21 . 4/7/2005
...o.0

what ever happened to Azalea?

-BL
FireDragonBL chapter 10 . 4/7/2005
lol cute _

-BL
FireDragonBL chapter 2 . 4/7/2005
wow, great story so far

I'm enjoying it thoroughly _

-BL
Jade Carroll chapter 2 . 4/6/2005
Hmm, when I made my chapters longer people complained that they were too long. *ponders*As for spelling, I guess you're referring to the fact that I live in Australia, and thus have different spelling to America, but if not just let me for the buttons, in my experience it creates two completely different looks, a fully open overshirt and a mostly buttoned overshirt, as one is far neater, whereas the other is more... versatile.

I'll take it all into consideration, though, I'm only really writing this because I don't take criticism too well (silently), so ignore this and keep reviewing. :)
Maira L. Dane chapter 2 . 4/6/2005
okee... here's my criticisms- spelling, the extreme shortness of chapters (annoying and aggravating) and a little bit TOO much description in terms of buttons. Let the reader imagine their own details. The reader doesn't want to read about how many buttons are buttoned or similar descriptions. Personally, I skimmed it. Mostly because I knew I was going to criticize it. my likes- you're a very nice writer and I enjoy the way you write. You put in facts with ease, slipping the background info without the reader realizing it. Um, suggestions? Well... I too have problems with short chapters but I have been improving. I'm up to 5 pages per chapter or more depending on my mood and how much dialogue is in the chapter. I don't know how your other stories are, and I don't know if you're still working on this, but work on your character's interaction with others and character development. I suppose the reason I'm not attached to the characters could be the fact that the chapters are so short. As sad as it sounds, short chapters don't interest me at all. I get bored fast. I don't like to read each chapter title every seven paragraphs. I'm lazy. Try and give yourself a goal everytime you set to work on a chapter. So many words, or so many pages. Try it once and if that doesn't work come up with your own tactic to improving length. Everyone's styles are different. That brings me up to my disclaimer: Everyone has their own style and if writing longer chapters isn't for you, fine. I'm not omnipotent, only you can write your stories. Well, I apologize for the length of this review but I felt that certain things needed to be adressed, and I must admit I do this to everyone I review at least once.
Maira L. Dane chapter 1 . 4/6/2005
oo! This is pretty good! However, this chapter is short and I'm not really getting much out the story at the moment because of that.
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