|Reviews for Peter Mayrone|
| Whizzothecrunchyfrog chapter 3 . 1/3/2005
Hey, good stuff so far! Like Tolkein, only better. A few of the descriptions in the prologue were a tad overdone, I thought, but the story so far is interesting. I liked the relationships between Peter and his family, and the way you describe the voices of his sister and father the best. Keep going!
| Megan chapter 5 . 8/28/2004
I love you Raven! Great chapter... I love the twist at the end. Wow. Great stuff. I can not wait to read the next chapters. Love, Meg
P.S. Vilgren kicks ass too ;)
| megan chapter 1 . 7/17/2004
i love you raven! wow, what a great story; seriously, i was extremely impressed. great usage of alliterations- they helped make the story flow much more smoothly. great grammar. the story is very descriptive. just... wow. i look forward to more chapters!
to help you, i did find 2 typographical errors.. they are both very trivial, but i thought you may like to know what they are:
1. Prologue - '...The queen laughed. "What proof have you of anything? Besides, you heir will protect me now!"... '
Change 'you' to 'your'.
2. Chapter 1 - ' ..."We've had this discussion before," Peter's mother said simply, the sounds from the kitchen implying the she had stood...'
Change 'the' to 'that'.
Whee! haha usually it's you that's correctly my grammar!
| Katie chapter 1 . 7/13/2004
I love your style of writing, kee oph ahem i mean RAVEN. I just don't get who is fighting who and where all these crazy tribes are coming from. maybe i'm just not bright? yep that's probably it. um there's nothing bad to say about this. it's really really good and i have no idea how you come up with this stuff such as the crazy language. the prologue was pretty long. kind of like a huge chapter. but it was good. a pronunciation key would be a good idea for the names of these characters and tribes...my brain cannot process these strange sounds and letters. perhaps i'm dyslexic? no..whatever haha. great job so far! don't forget about the iditarod.
| funky munky chapter 2 . 7/13/2004
Wow. good start. It appears t be the foundation of something really epic.