Reviews for The Hayworth Estate
softlycryingrain chapter 3 . 8/15/2005
Too bad you won't be updating this one anytime soon! It's starting to get very interesting...I guess I'll have to read some of your other stories if you won't update this one _
Suzi chapter 1 . 1/8/2005
Gr8 story one thing though the Pacific Ocean is about 30 miles away from the UK i think its the Atlantic u want, or the channel or the north sea!
Whistling Gypsy Rover chapter 3 . 12/5/2004
You do a good job of showing Abby's sorrow at leaving her companions and what has been her home. Her fondness for her friends is well-potrayed by her eagerness to help them. Your description is also nice, though it would be fine if the various rooms in the orphanage were described a little more. It would also be nice if there were a little more description of the drive. For example, does Abby find driving pleasant or tiresome? Does she even care? Is it an exciting, new, and thrilling experience, or is it old and monotonous?

Things don't look too bleak for Abby; I hope they stay that way.
CallMeCute chapter 3 . 12/5/2004
have you ever read the book Mandy? your story reminds me of that book- i liked that book and i like your story too. update soon!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/3/2004
"the small English seaside town that ran along the Pacific Ocean"

All I can ask is what you are smoking. The English seaside runs either along the North Sea, the Atlantic Ocean, or the English channel. The Pacific Ocean borders Japan, China, California US, etc.
AchillesMonkey chapter 2 . 11/5/2004
Sounds interesting. UPDATE SOON!
kayttea chapter 2 . 7/22/2004
This is a very good story! Very good descriptions...please please write more as soon as you can?
It's a very good story. It's on my favorites list!
softlycryingrain chapter 2 . 7/21/2004
Again, good job, I really like your descriptions, you make it easy to visualize the setting, and what is going on. I feel sorry for Abby! Only one day left in what she probably thought of as a sort of home...
Whistling Gypsy Rover chapter 2 . 7/16/2004
Poor little Abby! How sorry she is to go. I can understand her feelings; she seems to have had a happy life where she was, despite all hardships. The only thing I think should be changed is the following:
-The term 'beat around the bush' seems a bit odd. I cannot say how, but it doesn't seem to flow nicely along with the rest of the sentence.
It is indeed sorrowful that she has to leave. I hope Mrs. Hayworth will be a kind woman.
softlycryingrain chapter 1 . 7/14/2004
wow, I really love your work, keep it up! I can't wait until you get more into the story, it sounds like a good one D
Whistling Gypsy Rover chapter 1 . 7/11/2004
A review for Chapter I-
I was attracted to your story not by the summary but by the name. The word 'estate' instantly send little shivers up and down me, and I fancied this might be something well worth reading.
I love your style of writing. The first chapter was very descriptive and I could picture the scene (windy days by the sea I have always loved, and so you pulled me into the story by describing one in the first sentence; this however is a personal preference).
The first chapter was rather short, but I have often found that it is difficult to write a very long first chapter. Oftentimes you are just beginning to know the character yourself. It doesn't detract much from the story but a longer chapter gives the reader more time to become involved within the action of that chapter, or so it seems.
My first suggestion for improvement is this. In the second paragraph of the first chapter is the following: "...the memory of a raving mad Mrs. Cline, the cook, and later..." I would suggest rephrasing the sentence slightly, for when I first read it I got the impression that Mrs. Cline was a separate person from the cook. Perhaps something that shows more clearly that Mrs. Cline is the same person as the cook: "...a raving mad Mrs. Cline -who was the cook- and later..." Merely a suggestion, however.
"Finally she rounded the corner of the street..." is also in the second paragraph. I would suggest that you make this an entirely new paragraph.
In the fourth paragraph it said: "...she was greeted by eighty-five faces staring back at her..." It would be better, perhaps, to cut out the word 'back' as you never mentioned that she was staring at them.
"'Poor Harriett had to put on a bright red wig and go in there and square dance to stop it!'" That was quite charming, and very amusing I must add!
I apologize if I have been too criticizing, and if I have I will make up for it now by saying in all honesty that I very much enjoyed the first chapter of this story and look forward to more chapters in the future.