This is a review of all chapters. One thing before I say anything else: you have mispelled your main character's name several times, errors that could easily be averted if you would read through your piece again come up every so often, and just plain old spelling/grammer usage.

Now that that's out of the way, I can comment on a few more substantial items. Your plot, from what I can tell, seems like it can support your entire story from start to finish. It's not one of those small, superficial things that I see so often. Good job with that, though I would like to see this plot of yours pan out a little more.

Your dialogue is surfacy; when writing dialogue, remember, there must be a dual purpose to it. It must serve as the communication between characters, but it also has to be the link between the characters and the readers. It has to be able to speak on another level to the reader. Pushing theme. Everything has a theme. (Blame English class, I didn't use to be like this.)

On the whole though, I liked it. I think it has real potential. What I would suggest is printing this out and taking an editing pen to it. And be brutal. That's the only way a writer can ever improve. Slash your work and rebuild it better. This story is marvelous, it just needs to be taken a little higher to the next level, which isn't very far away.

Cheers, ~MP

Touching, and brisk. A real masterpeice, work more on it and I see it being published. I lve the beginning, and how it flows. 10/10.

Hi!
Just read through the first chapter and I'm loving it so far. Really descriptive and with a good fantasy edge.
I hope the rest lives up to this opener!
*Adds to faves*
Lieutenant Snowgirl x

One word Ghost Awesome Possem! or maybe it's two words anyway it's good i'll wait for more.

OMG! Haha, you know who I am, so I'm not going to say your name, but damn! So far, this is the best story of yours I have ever read or heard about, and that's saying a lot. Hey, can you spell check sometimes? Please? You know how much of a stickler I am about these things. Anyway, great job and keep it up!

really like it... i'll continue reading it and reviewing it
it's lasne from neopets :)

I like Ohner's horrible aim. :) I'm not sure how it's possible to be so bad that you'd wind up shooting yourself in the foot when aiming at the target, but it's certainly funny. I like this chapter, and I certainly hope you write more. :)
~ Hencellina

:) I like how everything is already payed for, tis funny. But I'm wondering... what about his packages? Because he ran after the girl right away, so he must not have had time to grab his packages, did he? Or is this explained later? I shall read on. :)
~ Hencellina

I like that Tareq's turned up again, and I like the insane Frisbee metaphor. :) Tis a good one. I love this story, so far. :)
~ Hencellina

I like the title. And I love the way you've written this, with the king and the wizard reacting to Alech spitting soda on them. :) This is now on my favourites list, by the way.
~ Hencellina

I love this. I was going to read it before, but then I lost the link and couldn't find it again, and now I have. :) I don't usually like stories where people are in the real world and then they wind up in another world, but this one I like. I think it's especially interesting how the wizard tells him to come down, and I like the "head of the house" thing. Tis funny. :)
~ Hencellina

[Ch 2 Review] This plot sounds familiar, but I can't figure out where from. Still reading though.

I was only able to read the first chapter, but I plan on reading more later. So far its pretty good though. I give you another review when I finish reading chapters 2 and 3.

very good! so well written! you need to write more chapters, send it to a publisher, and send me a copy!