Reviews for Will You Forget?
Alankria chapter 1 . 11/18/2005
Wow. Just... wow.

This poem is amazing. Firstly, it flows, oh so well. And secondly, the turmoil that she is going through is so...realistic. It's not clear cut - they still have feelings, but too much doesn't work... Just. Perfect.

Sorry, but this really impressed me. I shouldn't be surprised, you're a formidable writer, but this really really impressed me. Many congrats to you.
Embellished Heart chapter 1 . 9/13/2005
well, what can i say? that was really amazing, and i think a lot of ppl can reate to it. I can also see how it would reflect on my dad's divorce. It really moved me. Great work!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 7/23/2005
wow... amazing poem... I love it... it's very sad... and well written... thanks for your review
Calliope Veronica chapter 1 . 7/19/2005
I like the phrase, "This was the end of our song" very much so! Music always adds a delicate and mysterious sense to poetry.
really-chilly chapter 1 . 7/17/2005
I don't think this poem could have been more beautifully written. There is a good clear message that I will not soon forget.
Accalia Aeryn chapter 1 . 7/12/2005
Wow! This is a great poem! So emotional and beautiful. I love the stanazas. Great writing!
Anime Freakizoid chapter 1 . 11/26/2004
hi hi, thankies for the wonderful reviews again, me really appreciate it so i'm giving MORE reviews in return! i like this particular poem, it could be made into a hit country song...-anime freakizoid X_XP.S. if you want to see my fav. animes, look at my profile and you'll be surprised...
NINLoverD chapter 1 . 9/17/2004
Hey.
Im just checking out some of your work. You reviewed one of my storys (Bob the top quality fungus selling chicken) and I think this poem is my favourite. Its kinda like what I'm going through at the moment. My parents are splitting up and my mum wont ever forget him but my dad will 100% forget her. Well done. I think it really good. Dx
Lisa Jane chapter 1 . 8/29/2004
Very long, but long is good. I really liked it, you have a way with poetry that draws in the reader. Reading this poem reminded me much of two characters in my novel 'Further Than You Think', who go through a divorce and their feelings... Great poetry.
RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 8/23/2004
Wowsers! Long poem!
Anyhow, I want to thank you for the review of "Cummulous" - and, of course, return the favor! :) Here goes! I comment as I read, so it'll all be in order...
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1.) "It worries me sometimes / If I’ll be in your thoughts / Or if by tomorrow / I might be forgot." - Something about the rhythm of this segment doesn't feel right.
2.) "Making out-by my dad" - Is that dash intentional? If so, can you put a space on either side of it to make it easier to read?
3.) "Only to be phoned / By your mistress from hell." - Ouch...
4.) "I’m no longer related to you?" - There are too many syllables in this line, I think...
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Very nice. A different view of the subject than most, I think. And I really like how you keep repeating, "Will you forget about me?". It drives the point home very well.
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The only technical thing I'd suggest is fairly picky, but I'll mention it anyhow. You've got periods at the end of each stanza, but you've left out most of the punctuation (but not all!) within the stanzas. It's just a little... asymmetric, I guess. You might take a look at it, in any case, and make sure that's what you really want to do.
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Well done! Thanks!
Ruatha
Mormon Princess 1 chapter 1 . 8/3/2004
Wow this is really long and really well written and I love it!
Helga G.Rodriguez chapter 1 . 8/2/2004
I think you're the most brilliant,talen-
ted,intelligent,sensitive,caring,pretty
creative,different and interesting girl
on planet Earth.
Keep the good work,honey,
...don't change a bit!
Your true admirer,
Helga.
Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 7/28/2004
No, he shouldn't forget. ¿Did you really get married? I like the poem, try a few little word changes, like-
Today is the day
When we proclaim
We'll live divided
Our love's been slain.
The crying and shouting
Were all done in vain;
Nothing is rescued,
Our hearts sear in pain.
So today is farewell.
Our rings must be cast
Away, though I have
No doubts of this last.

Will you forget about me?
You . . . .
I won't forget that you caught not one, but two spelling errors. ¡Thanks! Maurice Ravel wrote a short, intensily lyrical and haunting piano piece for a dead princess (Pavane for a Dead Princess) and diaphanous, well—you figured it out. m
karmakaze chapter 1 . 7/27/2004
This is really good. I like...divorce is a complicated situation.
b likes to write chapter 1 . 7/26/2004
very earnest. there is such a youthful voice here, not childlike, but a wistful lover looking back on a marriage that she perhaps knows never should have taken place. a strange balance between naivetie (sp?) and wisdom. great!
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