Reviews for By Chance chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
This was great!
Guest chapter 1 . 7/23/2005
I thought it was really sweet. May Maydelle rest in peace. One thing though; Did Susan have Jesse at 11?
Pricilla Cox chapter 1 . 7/18/2005
it's terribly sad. :( i'm going to give you an honest review.

first off all, you really need to work on punctuation. it makes it hard to read. and i don't know if you realize that by putting periods and comma's in the correct spots, it intesifies stories greatly.

also, it moved much too quickly, and the characters were portrayed realistictly.

i like it though, and it was nicely written besides those points. is there more?
M.T. Stockton chapter 1 . 3/12/2005
I have to admit, I'm not too sure where to start here... My general impression was of a text written in a hurry, with regards to the following:

First off, form. I suggest you go over the grammar, punctuation and general syntax of this text again, or maybe pass it on to a beta-reader who can point out the little things you might miss. Form is very important, and if it jumps out as a little off, then it definitely becomes an obstacle in the enjoyment of the actual content of a work. Also, I'd rethink the use of italics, it only confuses the reader. A general convention is that italics are used for thoughts or for emphasis, not for actual spoken dialogue.

Second, the general plot. It was interesting, no doubt about it. However, the events seemed to occur much too quickly one after the other to be quite realistic.

Also, the characters seemed a little undervelopped for the degree to which they related to each other. It seems that Mark and Susan admitted things to each other right off the bat that I would admit only to my closest friends. Which brings me to my next point...

The dialogue. Maybe it's just me, but I believe that dialogue is of the utmost importance, if the aim is to create characters that are realistic and to which people can relate. Basically, they have to talk like real people would talk under the circumstances. When you're writing a dialogue, the key is to ask yourself whether or not you yourself would say something like that in that same situation. If you can't imagine saying that very same thing, then chances are, nobody would. An author's best reference is himself or herself, and the people around him or her. Take your cues from the way people around you act and speak. Write what you know.

On the upside, you created interesting characters, whose emotions you seemed to understand well. With a little tweaking here and there, and more attention paid to the points I mentioned, this would be quite good.

By the way, thanks for the reviews! :o)
SHOES in a box chapter 1 . 11/7/2004
Wow, this is deep. But it seems like it was written in a hurry. And everyone but Mark speaks in Italiac. Anyway, that's sweet, how this was written in memory of someone. Gives it sentimental value. Good work.