The form is kind of confusing, but it fits the subject well because suicide is kind of confusing. This is a lot better than the average emo drabble.

OK, so maybe I'm not supposed to read other people's reviews but whoever said that this beautiful poem is pathetically cliched is an idiot. I say that because I have felt way too many times like this poem and the style is ingenious. Forgive me, but having actually experienced this makes this poem real, not something cliched or pathetic or even immature. It takes real understanding to realize that. ok, so i guess i went off into a tangent about that. Sorry.

i don't understand why people call label suicide as an over-used topic because it tends to bring out the best.

beautiful work though. i can relate like crazy.

Even though it's a suiciide's prayer to me it seemed hopeful. I mean even though it says that nobody cares its also saying that no matter what god will not let go. It was interesting read to say the least.. got me thinking. Great JOb!

Hey...it took me a while to figure out why there was no third chapter, when I'd gotten an email about it. And then I saw that there was no second chapter, either. And I'm like...wait...what did she do then? And I think you did just mix the two poems. Which, btw, is very smart. It's beautiful, still. But I liked it better as two parts, as you'd said. But oh well. It's as you have it, so what does what I say matter? Have fun in Austria!

they were amazing...I had just had a conversation with my father a few days ago about suicide, too. And he said that a person seriously considering it believes that no one, not even God, can help them. I really loved these poems. I think they really showed something. Wonderful job, I hope you keep on writing. I'm going to see some more. Ciao

This is superb, I think. I do not think that the third reviewer managed to get the point of your first poem, by the way. It is not really about how God is supposed to be portrayed at all. I can both understand and sympathize with suicidal feelings, but the first poem just seemed too fake, kind of like a person that goes on and on about their sorrows. After a while, nobody wants to hear about it. I do not doubt your feelings or your inspiration, however, I would try to work on it a bit. I do like the second poem, though. And, sorry about the first review. That was kind of mean. I have a feeling that there is something else that I want to say, but I cannot remember what it is...

Pathetically clichéd and angsty. Grow up and write something real.

Showing your emotions without using confusing words is a lost art, very well writen

I like this one even better. It just conveys so many powerful emotions. My favorite lines: "You do not speak of helping/Then count Your duty fulfilled/You grab me and hold me fiercely/Until the tears are subside me"

Oh, yes. That brings me to my other comment. That last part "until the tears are subside me" makes no sense what-so-ever. How about, "until the (or my...) tears have subsided"?

Keep up the fantastic writing,

TTM

Aww... touching! The only (critical) comment I have is that maybe you could add some commas at the end (i.e. "Please, please, please" instead of "Please please please"). Just an idea.

In my mind, I see this poem as a sign of faith, even though the person wants God to forget her (him?), and knowing that He won't. The ending is amazing, but I'm not sure why. (I'm such a great reviewer, aren't I?) I just really liked it. Normally, this would cue the my-religious-theory-is-better-than-yours rant, but I do not believe a LITERATURE review is the place for it. (*repeats loudly so offenders of this from other parts of fp can hear*)

Keep up the great work,

TTM

Well, I happen to be atheist, but that's neither here nor there; I will be as objective as is pretty good; like the other chapter, I think it could use a touch more originality, but it's still pretty good. There are a couple of places in here where your descriptions of God are unorthodox, sort of; "you grab me and hold me fiercely", for instance. God isn't usually portrayed as fierce. However, later you switch to the usual portrayal, which comes out sounding sort of trite and overpious. I would love to see you maintain your unusual portrayal; I think it's very are also a couple of spelling and grammar errors; for example, you misuse "subside"; I'm not sure what you mean, but "subside" is a verb, so something's gotta be wrong there.

Hm...as you probably realize, this theme has been used over and over again. (For purposes of this review, I'm going to assume you are not actually suicidal; hope that's ok.) As I was saying, I think if you're going to use something that's so common, you need to do something new with it. Nothing huge; just a little more detail, some new metaphors, something that hasn't been used a million times before.

this is a wonderful poem. you have managed to capture in words my mind, my thoughts that always linger in the shaddows.

and, ebonic, i do not think suicide is a sin, for it is almost always caused by either a simple chemical imbalance in the brain, or by the meanness of others.

Great but sad... but I think there is a hope for us each day in Christ. God Bless~