Reviews for Black Fate
R.Valaina chapter 1 . 1/30/2005
I enjoyed reading it, well done!Keep it up!
acccountnolongerinuse chapter 1 . 9/16/2004
I really liked it! Good job!
CrystalDusk chapter 1 . 7/31/2004
ola! stephie! i tink i already told u i luv this story! so very...suspenseful and mysterious. and is flows! just like the school dam! in winter i mean. in summer it's dead to the world. keep writing stories steph! i refuse to believe that's all you have up your sleeve.
jemraja chapter 1 . 7/31/2004
hey yu can jst write *he stared at the headlines in shock*...and then write that bit with the CAPS and the bold lettering...ppl will get it
great story! the plot was excellent -with the whole fortune-telling going around in circles with what happens later.
i think yu could rewrite the beginning and expand the words, because yu dun have the word limit now ... yeah so maybe elaborate on the actual fortune telling bit, and make the old woman Tell him that to get back to the caravan to become rich - coz he seems to go back fer no reason...uneless i missed something? *shrug*
um constructively thats about it - grammer and tense are impeccable! and there r some great phrases - um to list a few...
- ah rite the first paragraph is pretty good
- kool found something to criticise - i dun see why he would recoil from her realistically, when she goes hez rich. lyk i kno hez alarmed by her white eyes, but unless hez been reading/imagining ghosts from the storm or something, itz still pretty unrealistic...maybe create another reason for him to be scared off? or jst simply leave? then she could magically halt the rain for him, implying that she created it so she could set along the resulting chain of events...
- ah i see why he goes back... ok i fergot or musta skimmed that bit...hum wel then ignore my previous suggestion unless yu wanna change it...yep
- "Suppressing his fervent religious fear, Johnson clambered out of the sleet-battered car in trepidation. The caravan was still there, but beside it an unfamiliar form loitered. Johnson made out the depressed figure of a man, head bowed. Nervously, Johnson approached the tuxedoed person, who glared at him with hollow eyes.
“She told me I would die. Tonight,” the man divulged bluntly. "
- wow yu used *presaged* :O!
"Wads of the presaged cash dropped out as he looked on. Gulping, he gathered the notes and strained to control troubling uncertainties. Finally, he drew closer to the caravan and peered through the darkened windows, distinguishing the figure of the mystic-woman. She raised her face and smiled, pale, clouded eyes hauntingly bright through the pane. "
- ok lets jst say the whole thing is very well written...heh so i dun hafto copy and paste the whole of yur story lol
yep so on the whole, a truly original piece! keep up the great work! - yu should write more short fics like this - i lyk reading these kinds of short pieces coz theyre interesting, and they don't have hundreds of chapters to get thru...
suzieque2 chapter 1 . 7/29/2004
Once apon a time I was in fiction writing class and the professor gave me another classmates piece to review. Teacher thought I was a good writer and I had read a lot so I could pick out what was wrong. I said I didn't think anything was wrong, I said I liked the description alot. It read like "poetry". She said that was the problem, the way the description read, too many adjetives. I think your piece reads like poetry too.