|Reviews for Nowhere Left To Hide|
| Melody1 chapter 2 . 12/24/2004
It's entirely readable and for that I give you mad props. I'm hard to please lately but tis' got a nice feel to it, soothing actually though that doesn't seem to fit where I believe this is going. It started off well, very well in fact. Love the first line, it dwindled a little towards the middle and picked up towards the end. Nice touches with the difference between "Eddie" and "Ed" and the "Mike/Mitch" business. I hope you have a damn good reason for mentioning Twain and Candide...otherwise, take it out.
"Something tugged a perfunctory chuckle from Ed’s lips, some remnant of a long-past surface sociality" Diction. Is "sociality" really what you wanted here? It doesn't sound right to me, but I didn't write it, so it could just be over my head.
"he was very sure, however, that dinner that evening was going to suck mightily." "suck mightily" seems out of character, a little more of you than Ed.
Lovely work though, lover. You write very well.
| Melody1 chapter 1 . 7/30/2004
Well it's good, but you knew that. That's not what I'm here for. I dunno, maybe I'm missing something. THe description is well done, throough and yet readable...an impressive feat, but there's osmething...off. I don't know what it is...(look how helpful I am. Maybe it's just because it's the first chapter. I don't know. Um...it didn't sound like smut. You had me all worried for nothing. A few of the images/metaphors/similies whatever are off. A few just strange and few just wrong for they're supposed to be. I'm being anal, (since I'm on sabbatical I can do that), which means you can discount everything I say. I guess, my main qualm is that, though nicely done, I question whether a lot of deatils were necessary. Perhaps it fits into the grander scheme of things, maybe not. I dunno. I actually think you should keep the description at the beginning...that's great...it's later that it starts to fall apart. Just read over it again...or something... Lol. I'm useless.
| me chapter 1 . 7/27/2004
Hrm... I'm not exactly sure how much constructive criticism you're looking for here, so i'll keep it to a minimum. It's good, very captivating, but be sure to watch your similes... they can get a bit awkward and...forced, i guess? the one with bananas a bit strange, etc... you've set up a kind of 'stock' scene but the cliffhanger that will keep your readers reading. Oh, and make sure not to go off on tangents when you're describing things. The wording may be very clever and so forth, but make sure that they don't ramble or we'll forget what we're reading. I think that happened once or twice... Overall, as I said before, very captivating, just watch out for those little style thingies. Or don't. *shrug*
| lami chapter 1 . 7/27/2004
well i'm tempted to say 'another master piece' if i was 100% sure there wasn't another chapter coming. if there wasn't: see above. if there is... guess i'll have to wait and see. but it's good to know you're posting again:)